Shattered
by Sailor Heartache
Summary: Takes place after the infamous 'Love fades, mine has' quote. Rose knows that Dimitri is lying and that he still loves her, but how far can he push her before he breaks her completely?
1. Prologue

This story takes place after the famous Love fades, mine has. I obviously do not own VA and could only wish I did. Enjoy, please R&R.

**Prologue**

_Love Fades, mine has_

I closed my eyes as I remembered his voice saying the four words that broke my heart into a million pieces. I felt the tears well in my eyes and tried unsuccessfully to force them back, but I couldn't. All I could think of was the pain. The pain that radiated throughout my heart and soul. We were meant to be together I knew it and he knew it. Our souls called to each other and were so in sync that we could have a whole conversation without words.

But how could he say that to me? How could he turn his back on what we had and what we could be? I went to the ends of the Earth to save him. I broke my worst enemy out of PRISON to save him. How does he repay me? By ignoring me completely and of course telling me the four words I wished I could forget.

He couldn't be telling the truth. There is no way that after everything that we had been through together that he could just stop loving me. It didn't work that way, I had done the trials and I had managed to do the impossible. I proved that fairy tales do exist and I deserve my happy ending.

I wiped the tears out of my eyes and forced myself to remember that I am Rose Hathaway and I DO NOT cry. I would just have to show him that he still loves me. I could do this, I've already done the impossible multiple times so this should be a cake walk.

I got up off my bed and decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and put a plan into action. If he wanted to pretend like I didn't matter anymore that was fine, but I was going to make it damn hard on him. I got up and looked at my reflection in the mirror over my dresser. I groaned. I wasn't going to be winning anyone over looking like hell. There were bags under my eyes and my hair hung limply around my face I looked as if I hadn't slept in weeks. Well, I guess technically I hadn't.

I quickly took a shower and dried my hair making it fall in waves down my back the way I know Dimitri loves. I grabbed my black mini skirt that clung to my legs and a red lace tank that left nothing to the imagination. After slipping into some black stilettos, I quickly exited my room and went to hunt down Adrian.

It wasn't hard, after walking into the third bar at court I found him sitting at the end of the bar with an empty shot glass in his hand.

I slipped into the seat next to him and his eyes roamed up and down my body, "You know you look damn sexy right now little dhampir."

He was drunk already. I probably should have expected that since he had finally given up on me and our relationship a week ago, and I couldn't help but feel my heart ache and the pain that I had inadvertently caused him. "You know, it might be a good thing for you to hold off on a few rounds."

He laughed, "Or you could just join me."

"I might just do that." I said as I ordered us both a few more shots.

He looked over at me with a shocked expression on his face, "Since when do you drink? I thought that you always kept a clear head in case Lissa needed you."

"Well, obviously she doesn't since I haven't even seen her in three days. We're also in the middle of court so she has wards and court guardians to protect her here. I think I deserve a night off."

Adrian looked over at me and I could tell he knew that there was more to why I was here then just wanting a night off, but he kept it to himself and just took the shots the bartender had given us.

We spent the next hour taking shots and trying to avoid any talk of our pain mostly because I knew his pain was because of me and my pain would only cause him more. After about 10 shots, I noticed the world was beginning to seem a little less flat and took that as a sign that it was time to stop and move on to the next part of my plan.

I looked over at Adrian, "You want to go have a little bit of fun?"

He looked at me suspiciously, "What kind of fun are we talking about?"

"The type where we make a certain Russian wish he had never ignored me."

Adrian looked me over as if he was finally understanding why I was here and what I wanted from him. I felt bad because I knew that once again I was using Adrian's love for me to get what I wanted and it seemed as if all I ever did was cause him pain.

He laughed and with an almost sarcastic tone said, "I don't see how anyone could ignore you little dhampir, but I'm game. Lead the way."

I was almost surprised that he had agreed so fast, I had been expecting him to put up a good fight but maybe the idea of bringing pain to Dimitri also appealed to him. After all, he was the reason I could never return Adrian's feelings, even if sometimes I wished I could. Things would be so much easier for me if I could just love him.

We walked out of the bar towards the guardian's lounge where I knew Dimitri usually sat with Lissa while they talked about – well I don't know what they talked about. Lately I'd been trying my hardest to stay out of Lissa's head since she spent the majority of her time with Dimitri and I could stand to hear him say anything that could hurt me worse than I already was.

Sure enough when we got there Lissa was sitting around one of the tables with Dimitri, Christian, and Eddie. As we walked through the door, I stumbled and remembered that it probably wasn't the greatest idea to wear 4 inch stillettos while drunk. I laughed at my own clumsiness and took my shoes off.

"Did the bad ass Rose Hathaway almost fall on her face?" Adrian teased.

I laughed again a little louder than before and without even looking towards their table I knew that both Dimitri and Lissa had turned to look at us. I leaned up and kissed Adrian, "We've been over this, I'm off tonight so I'm not a bad ass. I'm just Rose."

He looked me over again, "There is no way anyone would ever refer to you as being 'just Rose'."

He grabbed my hand and we wondered over to the counter to buy some coffee and slices of pizza since I was starving. After we paid we went back over and sat at a table close to one of the windows overlooking the terrace. The whole time I could literally feel Dimitri's eyes burning holes into my back.

Adrian grabbed me around the waist and pulled me into his lap and leaned in close to my ear, "Let's really make him jealous little dhampir. He will regret the day he let you walk out of his life."

I smiled at him and leaned in to kiss him. We sat there for who knows how long just making out in the middle of the lounge with him occasionally running his lips down my neck before returning to my mouth. He let his hand roam up and down my back under my camisole and I could feel the shock from my bond with Lissa. She couldn't imagine what I was thinking or why I would do this right in front of Dimitri.

I kept kissing Adrian, but slipped into her head to see how Dimitri was taking our little show and couldn't help but feel overjoyed at his reaction. His guardian mask was nowhere to be seen and his emotions were written all over his face. I could see his regret, pain, guilt, and desire. I could feel Lissa's anger at me for causing him more pain and I heard her tell them she was tired and ready to leave.

I ignored them all get up and walk out towards their own rooms before I got up from Adrian's lap and began eating my pizza slice.

He looked over at me and with a suggestive wink said, "You know, we could always go back to my room and finish what we started."

I laughed knowing he knew that I wouldn't say yes. I couldn't hurt him anymore than I already had and leading him on was bad enough without agreeing to sleep with him. Adrian, despite what most people thought, was kind and one of the best guys I knew. He deserved to find someone to be happy with and I needed to stop holding him back only to make myself feel better. I would never be able to return his love because no matter how hard I tried to get over Dimitri I knew that I would always love him, and it just wasn't fair of me to not be able to give someone all of my heart when I had all of theirs.

We sat there and talked for a little while longer, he told me about how they had found a few more spirit users at St. Vladamir's and how he was planning on going back with Lissa to help train them in a couple of months.

Afterwards we left and Adrian started wondering back over towards the bar. I went back to my room wondering if I had really had any effect on my Russian god.

I got an answer as soon as I turned the corner to my room and found Dimitri leaning against my door with his guardian mask firmly in place.

"What are you doing here?" I asked trying to sound indifferent.

"I'm surprised to find you here, I thought for sure you'd go back to Adrian's room tonight." His eyes flashed at Adrian's name and I suddenly hoped that Adrian would stay far away from Dimitri for a couple of days.

"What does it matter to you? You said that you wanted nothing to do with me Dimitri. You can't come waltzing back into my life every time you see me with a guy if you don't want to have anything to do with me."

Dimitri looked me up and down and I could tell he was undressing me with his eyes, "So, it's okay with you to just be a common blood whore?"

I snapped at that and slapped him across the face. "How dare you Dimitri Belikov. Is that really what you think of me?"

I shoved past him and unlocked the door to my room. While he looked over at me and let his guardian mask slip for a minute so that I could see the regret and love in his eyes. "I didn't mean it Roza."

I walked into my room and looked angrily back at him, "Then what did you mean, Comrade?"

He looked at me with a conflicted expression on his face as if he couldn't decide what he wanted to say, or probably if he wanted to lie to me and tell me he didn't love me again. Instead he did the last thing I expected him to do and he leaned down and kissed me.

It was a hungry kiss as if he couldn't get enough of me and he was afraid I was going to disappear and I kissed him back with all of the pain and hunger I'd had for him since he had been lost to me. I heard myself moan and stepped farther into my room while kicking the door closed behind us. He picked me up and carried me to the bed with his lips never leaving mine. I grabbed his shirt and tugged it over his head the let my hands move over his chest then onto his back to pull him closer to me. I felt like there was no way for him to be close enough and even the smallest inch of space between us was just too much.

He undressed me slowly and trailed kisses over my skin as he exposed my flesh and his hand moved up and down my body. He took it slow as if he was afraid that he was simply having a dream and it would end if he moved too fast, and when it was over he leaned down and kissed me sweetly on the lips as if he could hardly believe I was there and pulled me close to his side and we both fell asleep holding each other.

I awoke suddenly a few hours later as Dimitri began swearing in Russian while trying to put his clothes back on. I rolled over to watch him and asked, "Where are you going, Comrade?"

His back stiffened as he heard my voice and with a cold voice he said, "This was a mistake and it won't happen again."

I felt the world shift around me and I fought the tears that were coming to my eyes. I would not cry in front of him again. "What do you mean? Why was this a mistake? I know you love me Dimitri, you can't keep pretending like I don't mean anything to you."

He kept his back turned towards me and never looked at me as he pulled his duster back on and walked towards the door. "I don't love you anymore Rose. Look at what you've become. You may not be a blood whore, but you're not much better."

And with that he walked out my door never looking back and taking ever last piece of my broken heart with him.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

_1 month later_

I stared blankly at the wall in front of me. I could hear the clock on my wall slowly move as it counted the seconds. _Tik Tok Tik Tok Tik Tok _It almost felt like it was mocking me. How could time keep going on when it felt as if my world had ended? _Tik Tok Tik Tok Tik Tok Tik Tok_

I picked up the lamp next to my bed and threw it at the clock on the wall. It struck it and the clock fell to the floor and with a last _Tok _it was finally silent. My eyes moved back to the wall staring aimlessly.

_Look at what you've become. You may not be a blood whore, but you're not much better._

How could he think that of me? How could he believe that I would give myself to anyone other than him? I'd even tried to move on with Adrian, I'd tried to have a relationship with him but I had never been able to give that much of myself away. I couldn't, Dimitri had all of my heart and he didn't seem to want to give any of back. I felt like he was keeping part of me hostage, he didn't want me but I couldn't help but want him. I couldn't free myself of him. My eyes closed and his face was the first thing that came to me. My dreams were of us in the cabin and after when he said he'd always be with me.

Apparently that had been a lie. He didn't want me anymore. He didn't need me anymore. He had Lissa. Lissa who he pledged his life to. Lissa who may have put the stake in his heart, but had in no way been the one to truly save him. I closed my eyes and tried to forget myself for a minute, and moved into Lissa's head.

She was sitting in her room with Adrian apparently just finishing up with a spirit lesson. I could sense the darkness that was fresh on her mind and tugged it away.

Adrian sat across from her and drank from a can of soda, "Have you seen Rose lately?"

I felt Lissa's irritation and annoyance at me, "No, she can take care of herself."

I was shocked, what had I done to Lissa to make her feel this way? I had been supportive of her trying to help Dimitri even when she chose him over me.

Adrian seemed just as shocked as me when he looked over at her, "How can you say that? Rose is your best friend, and with everything that's going on with Dimitri you know she's hurting. I haven't seen her in a few weeks and I'm worried that there might be something really wrong with her."

Lissa laughed, "What do you mean, how can you not have seen her? You guys were all over each other last time I saw you together."

He frowned, "You know we aren't together anymore, we were drunk and she needed to know that Dimitri still cared about her. We were just putting on a show."

"Well, ever since that show I've had to deal with Dimitri and it feels like I've had to go back to the beginning." I could feel her begin to get angrier by the second, "And you guys should have known better than to push him when he's so fragile. It wasn't right and if she got hurt it's her own fault."

Adrian stood up and started walking towards the door angrily, "How is it that you can push away your best friend's pain when all she's ever done is be there for you and help you when you had no one else? She deserves better than that from you and from him. He had no right to hurt her the way he did and as much as I had to say it he knew that she loved him. Hell she still loves him and he just keeps walking all over her heart"

Lissa turned her eyes to him and shouted, "Don't you think he deserves better that someone who is willing to throw herself at anyone just to get a reaction out of him?"

Adrian opened the door and started walking out, "If that's what you think of her then you should just stay away because I don't think she needs any more pain in her life right now."

The door closed and I felt Lissa's anger increase. She thought Adrian was being unfair and that I was strong enough to deal with my own problems without her help, Dimitri needed her and he was fragile he didn't have my strength.

I pulled myself out of her head and was shocked to feel tears on my face. I honestly thought that I didn't have any tears left to cry. How could my best friend not understand that I needed her now more than ever? I felt shattered. The only time in the past month I had even left my room was for my shifts which unfortunately were filing due to still being on punishment from my trip to Alaska. I doubted I'd be assigned as guardian to anyone anytime soon and to be honest I was okay with that for now. I didn't feel like I had anything left to give or any motivation to protect anyone.

The only person who had even tried to see me in the past month had been Adrian. He'd come by once a day and knock. I knew he had to have known I was here by my aura but I couldn't make myself get up and answer the door. I'd lie on the bed and listen to him try to get me to come to the door before finally giving up and leaving.

My thoughts were interrupted as I heard a knock on my door and I knew it had to be Adrian. His voice came through the door, "Come on little dhampir, I know you're in there and I'm not leaving this time."

I stayed in bed. I didn't want anyone to see me like this; I knew I looked like hell. I hadn't slept much at all in the past month and hadn't cared much about how I looked.

"I have doughnuts. You know you want one, come on Rose. If you don't open the door I'll compel one of the desk staff to let me in."

I groaned. I knew he wasn't joking, I'd ignored him for almost a month now and I knew he was worried about me. I stood up and walked to the door and let him in.

He took one look at me and said, "You look like hell, Rose."

I took the bag of donuts he was holding and walked over to the bed. "Thanks so much. I always knew you cared."

"What the hell happened? You weren't fine the last time I saw you but you sure as hell were 100 times better than this."

I picked one of the donuts out of the bag and began to nibble on it. I hadn't eaten much in the past few weeks and I knew that I had lost some weight, but it just didn't seem to matter anymore. As he looked me over I tried to brush it off. "Nothing happened, I'm fine."

"You are not fine, have you even seen yourself lately? Tell me what's wrong Rose, did something happen with Dimitri?"

I closed my eyes and tried to block out the sound of his name, but it was too late. I angrily wiped the tears away from my eyes and he came over to sit on the bed beside me.

He put a finger under my chin to make me look at him, "Rose, tell me what happened you can't keep everyone out. Let me help you."

I broke. I'd been holding it in for so long that it was like a dam breaking and I sobbed into his chest as I tried to tell him what had happened between me and Dimitri. "That night we made out in the lounge I found him waiting for me outside of my room. He got onto me and called me a blood whore, but then he said he didn't mean it." Adrian sucked in an angry breath and I could tell that he was trying to stay calm and listen to my story. "After that he kissed me and we ended up in here."

Adrian's eyes looked me over, "Did you have sex with him?"

I nodded as tears continued to flow down my cheeks. "I woke up a few hours later to him trying to leave and I asked him where he was going."

"What happened?"

I looked away from him and whispered, "He told me that I might not be a blood whore but I wasn't much better and that he didn't love me."

I could feel Adrian's arms tighten around me in anger and I could tell without looking at him that he was furious.

I looked back at him and whispered, "What did I do Adrian? Why would he think that about me and what made him stop loving me?"

Adrian looked down at me and he seemed to get more furious, "Rose, don't you ever think that you did anything to deserve this. You loved him. You loved him so much that you made the impossible happen and you brought him back when no one else thought it was possible."

I wiped some more tears from my eyes and took another bite of my donut, but something about it just didn't seem to taste right and my stomach seemed to revolt against it. I ran to the bathroom and just managed to get to the toilet before throwing up everything I'd just eaten and more.

Adrian pulled my hair back and held it for me even as I tried to push him away. "Stop being silly Rose, everyone gets sick sometimes."

I groaned, "Not me."

He laughed as I stood up and brushed my teeth to get rid of the horrible taste in my mouth. "Maybe you should go lay down, are you feeling any better?"

I nodded, "Yeah, I'm still a little nauseas though."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the bed. "Lie down and take a nap. I'll stay with you."

I complied and curled up in the bed while he held me close. I felt my eyes getting heavy and for the first time in a month I felt a little bit better.

Adrian's soft voice whispered in my ear, "Sleep little dhampir, it will all get better."

And as I faded into sleep I wished that I could believe that was true.

The next few days were a little better. Adrian brought me food each morning and made sure I ate it even though I continued to be ill. He also forced me to leave my room and at least walk around court for a little while before going back. It was on one of these trips a few days later that I ran into Lissa and Dimitri.

We were walking around the shopping district and looking at all the window displays when we noticed them sitting inside a small coffee shop. They were talking and laughing at some joke. Adrian cursed beside me and tried to pull me away, but before he could I looked back one last time and saw Lissa lean down and kiss Dimitri on the cheek.

It was a completely innocent gesture and it probably meant absolutely nothing to either one of them, but with my heart already shattered I couldn't stand the idea that not only was the love of my life no longer with me but apparently my best friend seemed to care more for him than she did for me.

Adrian and I ended up sitting on a bench in front of the park watching the children play. It was a nice day and the warm air felt good against my skin, but just as we were sitting down I felt my stomach roll and ran to the trash can to throw up what little I'd eaten for breakfast that morning.

I felt Adrian come up behind me and once again hold my hair for me. He looked down at me with a strange expression on his face as he watched a young mother pushing a baby in a stroller down the path in front of us.

I looked questioningly at him, "What's wrong?"

He looked back at me as if he was trying to decide if he should tell me what he was thinking, but at last he seemed to come to a decision and asked me, "When was your last period?"

I laughed, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Humor me."

He looked so serious that I had to stop and think, but then I realized that I wasn't sure. I had to have skipped it this month because I know I hadn't had one in the past few weeks. I closed my eyes as I realized what Adrian was trying to say. "I'm not sure, but I think I've skipped it. But what you're thinking is impossible. You know two dhampirs can't have children together."

He nodded, "I know but neither you nor Dimitri are normal dhampirs. Think about it, when you died and Lissa brought you back to life she could have healed whatever it is that keeps you from having kids with another dhampir. If you think about it Dimitri's not normal either, I mean he was brought back from being Strigoi. How could that not change him?"

My eyes widened. What he said made sense, but it couldn't be could it? What would I do if I was pregnant with Dimitri's baby? He already though I was a whore. He would never believe the child was his. "What am I supposed to do?"

Adrian grabbed my hand and started pulling me back towards the stores, "Let's get a test, it may not even be true. I could be wrong."

He hurried back to the drug store and we quickly bought three different tests before running back to my room. He handed them all to me and I peed on the small sticks before returning to the bedroom to sit with him while waiting for the results.

I felt an overwhelming urge to sob. How could these things keep happening to me? How had my life gone from being so planned out to so completely unpredictable? All I'd ever wanted was to be Lissa's guardian. Now that future not only seemed unlikely but almost impossible.

I heard the timer go off and looked over at Adrian, "I can't do it. You go look."

He nodded and went into the bathroom. He came back a minute later and he looked like he wanted to cry for me. "It's true isn't it? I am pregnant."

He just nodded and walked back over to where I was sitting on the bed. "We'll figure this out Rose. Do you want to keep it?"

I'd tried to hold them back but the tears in my eyes were beginning to be too much and for what seemed like the millionth time this week I was sobbing on Adrian's chest. He let me cry it out until I had nothing left then just held me while I was thinking about what I wanted to do.

There really wasn't a choice. Whether or not Dimitri loved me I would always love him, and getting rid of his baby was not something I wanted to do. It was ridiculous but even now when I was barely a month pregnant I already felt as if this baby was my lifeline and a part of what I wanted so terribly from Dimitri. It was a piece of me and a piece of him that would love me regardless of what Dimitri thought of me. But at the same time I couldn't stand the idea of staying here and seeing Dimitri every day while I grew more obviously pregnant with every passing day. He already thought I was a whore and it would just seem that this would prove it to him. He would never believe that the baby was his.

I took a deep breath and said, "I'm going to keep it, but I need out of here. I can't stay here with him constantly being everywhere I look. I need to get over him and try to find a way to be happy again."

Adrian looked down at me with sad eyes, "I understand, but where will you go?"

That was a good question. I had no real family. I had my mother, but I couldn't stay with her. She probably would be the last to approve of any pregnancy and she took her guardian responsibilities very seriously. I had only recently started having a relationship with my father, and although I could honestly say I loved him, I still didn't think it would be the best place to go while being pregnant considering his mobster occupation.

Then it came to me, I did have another family that might not be blood, but I thought would probably accept me as I am.

I looked up at Adrian, "I'm going to Baia."


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

I stood silently outside of the Belikov's front door wondering why I had ever thought coming here had been a good idea. After all, the last time I had been here Viktoria had told me that she hated me and that I would never be part of this family and in truth, this was Dimitri's family. How could I come to them when it was him who had hurt me so much?

Adrian had bought me my airplane ticket and given me enough money to get me to Baia, but the trip had been long and I was quickly discovering that being pregnant meant sleeping twice as long as what I was used to. My feet were tired and I was mentally exhausted from the stress of the past week.

I'm not sure how long I would have stayed standing there just staring at the door if Viktoria herself hadn't come barreling up the front steps. She stopped just inches before running into me and looked at me as if she had seen a ghost. "Rose?"

I nodded, "Hi, Vika."

There were tears in her eyes as she launched herself at me, "I can't believe you're here, I'm so sorry for everything I said to you before you left. I talked to Sonya the next morning and she told me all about her and Rolan. I should have listened to you; I know you only wanted to protect me."

"I'm glad that she told you, I was worried that you would still hate me." I said as she opened the door and led me into the house.

I could smell the smell of fresh baked black bread as we entered and my stomach growled at the idea of Olena's cooking. Viktoria led me into the kitchen where Olena was just taking the bread out of the oven and frowned at me, "I never hated you Rose, I was just hurt and angry. I never should have taken it out on you."

Olena looked up at the sound of my name and her eyes widened before she enveloped me into a hug, "Rose! We were so worried about you when you left, I'm so glad to see you here."

As Olena hugged me, I finally began to feel as if I was loved and as if I hadn't cried enough in the past week my dam broke again and I was sobbing on Olena's shoulder.

Olena's brown eyes widened in surprise at my outburst and she led me into the living room to sit on the couch while she held me. She looked at Viktoria but Viktoria just shrugged as if she was saying _I have no idea what's wrong with her_.

"What's wrong, Rose? Did something happen?" Viktoria asked as she sat down in a chair next to us.

I wiped my eyes and tried as hard as possible to keep the tears from coming, and turned to her. "Have you heard the news about Dimitri, yet?"

Olena looked confused and said, "What kind of news Rose? Dimitri is dead."

I shook my head, "No, he's not. He was changed back from Strigoi to a dhampir by my friend Lissa who is a spirit user. She literally healed his soul to bring him back."

Olena's face went pale and she whispered, "No, it's not possible. Rose don't lie to us. Dimitri is dead."

I had assumed that Dimitri probably hadn't told his family that he had been healed because I knew that he would feel guilty about everything he had done while he was Strigoi, and I had been prepared to tell them the truth. It wasn't fair of Dimitri to keep that kind of information from his family who was still in the process of grieving his death.

"No, he's not. I'm not lying. I can prove it to you, but before I do please don't tell him I'm here or that I told you what happened." I asked as I reached into the bag and pulled out my cell phone.

Olena nodded but looked confused. She couldn't believe what I was telling her, but she also couldn't figure out why I wouldn't want Dimitri to know where I was. She didn't say anything and I unlocked my phone and scrolled down to Dimitri's number before hitting send.

The phone rang three times and then a sleepy voice answered, "Belikov."

Olena's eyes widened and Viktoria looked at me in amazement while answering Dimitri's hello, "Dimka?"

There was silence on the other end for a moment before I could hear Dimitri's voice again and I could tell that he was crying. "Vika?"

By now both Viktoria and Olena were crying and I felt like I was intruding on a very private family moment, so I grabbed my suitcase and went into the room that had been mine while I stayed with the Belikov's before. I looked out the window into the back yard and tried to forget the memorial service that had been held in it the last time I was here. Instead I thought about what it must have been like for Dimiti to grow up here. It was so easy to picture a little Dimitri playing in the back yard as a child. Chasing Vika and Sonya around and later protecting them from boys he thought weren't good enough for them.

Everywhere I looked in this house reminded me of him. From his mother's old books to the back yard and even Viktoria's room which used to be his. I wanted to cry again from all the reminders of Dimitri in this house, but I was determined not to let myself keep falling apart. I had to find a way to be happy or at least a way to be normal and crying 24/7 over a man who didn't love you anymore was definitely not normal or healthy.

My brain was exhausted and I was pretty much asleep on my feet so I grabbed my suitcase and dug through it until I found my pajamas. Then quickly changed and climbed into the bed. I was asleep before my head even hit the pillow.

I awoke to a dark room and glanced at the clock it was only 2:30 AM but my body wasn't used to the time change and I had an overwhelming urge to pee. I grabbed my robe, went to the bathroom, and then made my way downstairs to the kitchen. The smell of black bread still hung in the air and I cut myself a slice, made some hot chocolate, and went out on the back porch to eat it.

The house was silent and it was an odd sensation to think of everyone being asleep when it was so dark outside. At home we operated on a vampire schedule since the Moroi didn't do well with sunlight, but here in Baia they shared the town with humans so they operated on a human schedule.

I ate my black bread and sipped on the hot chocolate while watching the stars. It was so beautiful here and peaceful, but at the same time everything about it brought my mind back to Dimitri. While it was true that I'd always felt as if this place was another home to me, I had forgotten that it was his home first. Now that I was here it felt wrong, and I felt almost as if I was trying to steal them from him.

I shivered a little at the crisp autumn air and then jumped as I felt a blanket slide around my shoulders. I looked up to see Olena slide into the chair next to mine with her own blanket and a cup of tea.

"What happened, Rose? Why are you so sad? Why are you not with Dimitri?"

I pulled the edges of the blanket closer to me and looked back towards the stars. "What did he say when you talked to him?"

She shook her head a little as if she was still having a hard time believing he was truly back and no longer 'dead.' "He told us about how you and Lissa brought him back, but when we asked about you he refused to talk about it."

"I'm surprised he even admitted I had anything to do with bringing him back. Last time I talked to him he only praised her." I felt another tear fall down my face as I remembered how hurt I had been when he pledged his life to her when I was the one who had managed to even find out how to do the impossible. Lissa hadn't even believed it was possible when I'd originally brought up the idea.

Olena's eyes widened as she saw the tears on my face, "What happened, Rose? I thought the two of you were in love."

Damn hormones. I could already feel myself on the edge of sobbing again. "I did too." I tried to take a few breaths to calm myself down. I did not want to sob again. I was so tired of constantly crying and I almost felt like an alien in my own body because of it. Rose Hathaway did not cry. "It's not fair of me to be here. I shouldn't have come."

Olena reached over and grabbed my hands in her own, "Rose, you will always be welcome here. You are as much a part of this family as Dimitri is even if you are no longer with him. You came here to tell us the impossible and then you managed to do the impossible and bring him back to us. Tell me what happened."

I looked down, "When I came here before it was for more than one reason. Dimitri and I had talked about what would happen if one of us was ever turned Strigoi and we both agreed that we wouldn't want to be like that. We would want someone to kill us." I heard Olena gasp as she realized what I was saying, "When he turned it felt like something I had to do as if it was an unspoken promise between us and I was the only one who could do it."

"While I was here I felt like I belonged and I wanted to stay here, but Yeva knew the true reason I had come and was disappointed in me for staying so long. When I finally left I went to Novosibirsk and after spending a few weeks looking for him he finally found me, but I hesitated. He looked so much like himself. Like my Dimitri. He ended up knocking me out and taking me to a compound outside of the city where he held me captive for over a week."

It was hard for me to remember the time when I was captive. Not because of what Dimitri had done to me, but because of the fact that I had let him. My own weakness was hard for me to handle because I knew that there were so many things I had done wrong while being held as a prisoner.

"He did some horrible things to me during that time and although I did manage to escape, I almost died in the process. When I left Russia I thought I had killed him during my escape, but when I returned home he mailed me the stake I had used on him and a letter explaining he would be coming to kill me. I was relieved he was still alive or at least still a Strigoi. While I was here I'd heard a rumor from Mark and Oksana about a spirit user who had managed to return a Strigoi back to their original state and I was determined to find out how to do it. I knew I had to save him if I could."

I looked up at Olena and I could see the tears in her eyes, but I couldn't decide what they meant. If she was upset with Dimitri or happy that I would continue to try to save her son after what he had done to me. "I did a lot of things I don't want to talk about to get the information on how to save him, a lot of it wasn't even legal. I did get it though, and Lissa was determined to save him even though I wasn't sure she should do it."

"He took her hostage in an attempt to get me to save her and in the end we managed to subdue him enough for Lissa to stake him and heal him. I couldn't believe it at first and there was so much going on at the time that I was just focused on protecting him from the guardians who didn't understand that he was a dhampir again." I felt the tears begin to slide down my face once more as I remembered the next few days. "We got back to court and they locked him up until they could decide what he was, but he wouldn't see me. He would only see Lissa."

I stood up and walked to the edge of the porch while pulling the blanket tighter around me. "I couldn't understand why he didn't want to see me, but I had to be sure that he was alright. One of the guardians who had been helping me while I was trying to find out how to save him managed to sneak me into the area he was being held in."

I gripped the porch railing as I remembered the horrible things he had said to me, "He told me a lot of things. A lot of it hurt to hear, but I understood where he was coming from. He blamed himself for everything he had done to me in Russia, but I told him I forgave him. I told him I loved him and that he wasn't himself. I never blamed him for anything that had happened here, but he pushed me away. He wanted me to move on."

"A few days later, I went to church because I knew he would be there. I spent the whole service watching him and afterwards I used the priest's words against him and told him that if God forgave him then how could he not forgive himself? We got in an argument and it ended with him telling me to move on and that he didn't love me anymore. His exact words were, love fades mine has."

Olena gasped and stood to hold me, "Oh Rose, I'm so sorry."

But I couldn't stop there. I needed them to know the whole story. I needed them to know that this baby was Dimitri's. I needed them to know that I wasn't a whore like he had implied. "I left him there, but I still didn't believe him. I felt like there was no way that we couldn't still love each other after everything that we had been through together and I wanted him to see that." I wasn't proud of what I had done with Adrian, but I wanted to be sure that I told the entire truth so I kept going. "I got drunk and convinced Adrian Ivashkov to put on a show with me and we ended up making out in one of the lounges at court where I knew Dimitri would be."

"It was so stupid of me, but I was hurting and I needed to know that he still cared about me. He was there and he saw us together. After they left we ate some pizza and then I went back to my room." I paused, and tried to collect myself. "He was sitting outside of my room and he was so mad at me. He called me a common blood whore."

I heard Olena angrily whisper something in Russian under her breath.

"He told me he didn't mean it and then somehow we were both in my room and we ended up having sex." I was crying harder now but I was trying to force myself to be calm. I had to finish telling this story before I could lose it completely. "I woke up to him leaving. I thought it was finally going to be all better. I thought we would finally be able to move past all the pain of the past and start over again, but that wasn't what he wanted. He told me it was a mistake and that it wouldn't happen again. He said he didn't love me." I took a deep breath. "He said I might not be a blood whore but I wasn't much better."

I heard more than one gasp at this and I looked up to notice that we were apparently no longer alone. Yeva and Viktoria had both come out onto the porch at some time during my story and they both looked furious at how Dimitri had acted.

I was on the verge of breaking down completely, but I had to tell them the last part of the story. "I stayed in my room for the next month when I wasn't working and probably would have stayed there forever if Adrian hadn't forced me out. He stayed with me for the next few days and made sure I ate and left my room, but I kept getting sick and he was worried about my health."

"One day we were walking in the park and I was throwing up into a trash can when he saw a woman with a baby walk by. I guess that's what made him think of the idea." I wiped some of the tears away from my eyes. "I laughed when he asked me if I could be pregnant because everyone knows it's impossible for two dhampirs to have children together and regardless of what he thinks, I've only been with Dimitri. But Adrian is also a spirit user and he thought it was possible because we had both been previously brought back to life by one."

Viktoria looked over at me a little confused, "But how?"

"Two years before Dimitri found Lissa and me in Portland I was in a car crash with her family. They all died and technically so did I, but Lissa without even knowing what she did managed to bring me back to life using spirit. It's what gives me my bond with her. Then she also brought Dimitri back from being Strigoi. Adrian thinks that since we were both healed by spirit it also managed to heal whatever part of us kept us from having children together."

"He made me take the tests and sure enough I'm pregnant. I couldn't stay there. I needed to get away from Dimitri and I needed to try to find some way to at least not be crying 24/7. The only place I could think of was here." I felt a little bit of my old self come back as I joked, "Of course so far it hasn't helped much with the crying."

Yeva was muttering in Russian with a dark look on her face and Olena seemed to be agreeing with whatever she was saying, but I couldn't stand to be the reason for them fighting with Dimitri when they had just gotten him back. "Please don't be mad at him, he's been through so much and he needs you more than me right now. I don't want to take his family away from him."

Olena looked shocked but tried to smile, "Roza, you don't always have to be strong you know. You are as much a part of this family as he is and in a few months you will be having my grandchild. We will not fight with Dimka if you do not want us to, but please know that we are here for you and we want you to stay with us."

Viktoria nodded, "I can't believe the way he treated you, but you should stay with us. We will help you though this and you can always get a job or watch the kids while Sonya and Karolina work."

Yeva was still muttering angrily in Russian but she looked up and nodded as if she was agreeing with the other two.

I tried to smile, but it was impossible I hadn't had a true smile since before Dimitri was changed back and I had a feeling it would take a while for me to be anything like my old self. "If you want me to stay, I would be happy to."

Olena smiled, "Good, now let's get you back to bed you need to rest."


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_Dimitri's POV_

It had been too long since I'd last seen my Roza's face. I couldn't stand being away from her, but I knew it was what was best for her. She needed to move on and be happy with someone who would love her without reminding her of all the pain I had caused her. She deserved so much better than me.

Ever since I had been turned back into a dhampir I had felt the guilt that reminded me every single minute of the day of the hundreds of innocent victims I had murdered. I could remember each of their faces as if it was only yesterday, but that wasn't even what the worst part of it was. The worst part was knowing what I had done to Roza.

I could remember her face lighting up every time I would walk into her room where I held her captive, but it wasn't her face. Her eyes were empty and the fire that made her my Roza was gone. It was replaced by the blank look I had seen in so many feeders' eyes. It was the look that was begging for another hit from my bite. She craved it and it had turned her into a shell of herself. And it was me who had made her into that.

I hadn't even stopped at that. Somehow my Roza had managed to keep me from feeding from her long enough to escape even though I had almost killed her in the process, but by doing so she had made me obsessed with her. I had taunted her with letters and hunted her until she would have finally killed me, but Lissa stopped her. Lissa had managed to save me, but I still wasn't sure that I was worth saving.

What had I done with my life since I had been turned? I had pushed Roza away. I had hurt her over and over again, but it was all to keep her safe. I needed her to be safe, I needed her to have something better than me, but in the process I had seen how badly I had hurt her. I had seen the pain in her eyes as I told her my love had faded.

I don't know how she managed to believe me when I said that, although maybe she hadn't. Maybe that's what led her to what she had done with Adrian. The thought of him touching her had made me furious. Lissa had dragged us out of the lounge and I had promised her I was going to my room, but the thought of Roza spending the night with any other man made me insane with jealousy and I had not been able to return to my room without knowing if she was going back to his room.

So I had gone to wait for her. I'm not sure what made me do it, after all wasn't it what I wanted? Didn't I want her to move on and be with someone who could make her happy without hurting her? It was obvious that Ivashkov loved her and he could take care of her in a way that I could not. He had money and he could give her a family, but no matter what I told myself I knew I had to know if she felt the same way as he did.

It wasn't long before she appeared looking slightly drunk and curious as to why I was standing at her door, and what did I do? I called her a blood whore. I don't know how the words came out of my mouth. I knew my Roza was too motivated and strong to become a blood whore even if she had unwillingly been mine for a short period of time. I could she her eyes flash with anger as I said the words and I'd told her I didn't mean it right afterwards.

But it had been so long since I had been alone with her and she was standing there in her sexy black skirt with her dark hair falling down her back in waves. She knew how much I loved that hair, how much seeing it just made me want to run my hands through it and pull her too me. She was staring at me wanting to know what I had meant when I said those words but I couldn't speak. My brain was telling me to push her away to lie to her and tell her that I had meant those words and she should go be with Adrian but my heart told me that I needed her.

So instead of speaking and instead of doing what I knew I should have done, I kissed her, and once I started it was impossible to stop. My whole body screamed that it needed to be near her, to love her, and to be inside of her. It was only my Roza who could ever make me lose control like this. She was the only one who ever saw behind my mask and could always tell what I was feeling.

I made love to her as if she was a dream that I could barely handle waking up from. It had been so long since we had been together and I was trying to show her how much I missed her and how much I needed her. Afterwards she fell asleep and I held her as we slept. I couldn't help thinking that this was the way it was meant to be.

I woke up suddenly a few hours later and I watched her sleep, she looked so peaceful and so beautiful that I couldn't help but wonder how she could possibly still love me. I knew she did, but I also knew that what I had done to her when I was Strigoi was unforgivable and that she deserved someone much better than me.

But could I hurt her yet again? Could I walk away from her after what we had just done? My heart screamed at the idea of leaving her again, but I had seen her with Adrian. I knew that they were having trouble, but it was because of me. If I pushed her away again I knew that he would take her back. I had seen in his eyes what I knew was in my own, and it was love for my Roza. He would protect her and he would give her everything that she ever wanted or needed. All I had to do was walk away one last time, but this time I had to stay away.

I looked her over one last time, drinking in her beauty and trying to memorize every last detail of her face and body which I would never see again then I stood and put my clothes back on. It was as I was pulling my combat boots back on that I stubbed my toe and began cursing in Russian.

I heard her behind me asking where I was going and I knew if I looked at her I would fall apart and wouldn't be able to leave her so instead I just told her the words that I knew would break her again, but I also knew they would free her. "I don't love you anymore Rose. Look at what you've become. You may not be a blood whore, but you're not much better."

Then I left her.

I spent the next few weeks avoiding any place that I might see her. I knew if I saw her and she was in pain it would make it impossible for me to keep my distance, but after 5 weeks it was becoming impossible for me to stay away. She was like light in the darkness to me and I needed her. I had to know that she was okay even if it was only for a second.

So I went looking for any news of her I could find. I tried to find Lissa, but she was off somewhere with Christian so instead I went to find Hans the head guardian. I thought maybe he could at least tell me where she was. I kept telling myself that the only thing I wanted was to see her one last time.

I found Hans in the guardian's headquarters and decided I would get a better answer if I just used a small lie, "Do you know where Guardian Hathaway is? Princess Dragomir would like to see her."

Hans looked at me confused, "Guardian Hathaway is not here, she took a leave of absence due to medical reasons and has left court."

I couldn't believe him, how could she just leave without me knowing about it? "When did she leave?"

"About two weeks ago, and I'm not sure when or if she's coming back."

I thanked him and left the office. I didn't know what to think, how could she just leave? I thought she had always wanted to be Lissa's guardian, and while I knew she was still being punished for some reason or another I had always assumed that they would eventually get around to assigning her to Lissa. Did Lissa even know she was gone? I hadn't seen them together in a while, but I also knew that Lissa avoided bringing her up while I was around because she knew it was a touchy subject for me. I always just assumed that was the reason I never saw Rose with her.

I needed to find out where she had gone, but I still had no idea where Lissa and Christian were. There was only one other person who I thought might be able to tell me and it was Adrian Ivashkov. I made my way to his room and hoped that he would tell me. I had no doubts that I was his least favorite person for more than one reason.

I rang the doorbell and as I waited it occurred to me that maybe she had run away with Adrian. A cold feeling settled in my stomach as I thought about her alone with him, but it was what I wanted wasn't it? It was why I had pushed her away in the first place so that she could be happy without me.

Thankfully Adrian answered the door only seconds later and looked surprised to see me standing outside of it, "What do you want, Belikov?"

"I was looking for Rose, but I was told she left court. Do you know where she went?"

I wasn't terribly surprised when he looked enraged at me even asking about Rose, I knew that Adrian would not be happy to see me. "Why in the world are you looking for her now? You've done your damage and you need to leave her alone so that she can find a way to move on without you."

I knew he was right. I needed to leave her alone. I needed to let her be happy without me, but I couldn't. For some reason I just couldn't let go of her. "Is she okay? They said she left because of medical reasons."

This seemed to make Adrian even angrier at me, "Rose hasn't been okay for months. She hasn't really been okay or happy since you were turned and she's been downright miserable since you came back. You have no right to even ask why she left."

Even though I could tell that he just wanted me to leave, I couldn't. I couldn't leave without knowing that other than the pain I was obviously causing her, there wasn't anything else wrong with her. "Please Adrian. Just tell me that she's at least healthy and I'll leave."

He looked at me as if the last thing he would ever do would be to help me, but I think he also knew I was telling the truth and I wouldn't leave without knowing she was okay. He nodded reluctantly. "She's about as healthy as she can be considering the circumstances."

"Where is she?"

The look of fury returned to his face, "That's the last thing I'm telling you. I promised her that I wouldn't tell you where she went, and honestly even if I hadn't I still wouldn't tell you. You shattered her and left a shell of the old Rose. I'm not even sure she'll ever be the way she was before, and I know she's never going to be over you, but she left to try to find a way to at least be somewhat happy. I'm not going to let you ruin that for her."

I wanted to argue with him, to tell him that I had left her because I wanted her to be happy, but I wouldn't. I couldn't tell him that because I knew he would tell Rose, and I knew that once Rose found out she would never give up on me again.

I never had a chance to respond anyway, because as soon as the words left his mouth he slammed the door in my face. Which I honestly couldn't blame him for.

I wanted to leave it at that. I wanted to leave her alone and let her try to move on without me, but for some reason I couldn't. It wasn't enough to know that she was healthy; I had to know where she was. I had to know that she was safe.

So I went to find Lissa.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

_Lissa's POV_

I was sitting in Christian's room cuddled with him on the sofa watching a movie when I heard the knock at the door. Christian sighed, "Maybe we should ignore it."

I knew he felt like I'd been ignoring him for the past few weeks, but I just felt that I needed to be with Dimitri more and I knew that Christian would understand. But even though he understood it still seemed as if we could never be alone for more than a couple of hours before someone interrupted us.

I laughed, "We can't ignore it. It could be Tasha or Dimitri."

In the last few weeks Christian had been working with Tasha and Queen Tatiana to come up with a plan for a new school dedicated to teaching new ways to fight using magic. It was a long process and he'd spent as much time working with them as I had working with Dimitri.

He groaned but got up and went to answer the door. He came back a few minutes later with Dimitri who looked slightly annoyed and worried. I quickly got up and walked over to him, "What's wrong?"

"Have you seen Rose lately?"

I frowned; I hadn't been spending time with anyone but him since he was turned back into a dhampir. I had been trying to work with him on getting over his guilt and it seemed like I was the only person he was willing to talk to. Any time that I wasn't with him I tried to spend with Christian and I hadn't even had a chance to get with Adrian in the past few weeks to have spirit lessons.

I shook my head and replied, "No, I've been so busy lately that I don't think I've actually seen her in over a month."

It was actually Christian who responded to this and he sound very shocked. "What do you mean? You haven't seen Rose in over a month?"

I frowned, "No, I mean most of my time has been with Dimitri and then you've been complaining that we never see each other anymore so I spend the rest of my time with you."

I noticed that both of their faces still looked shocked, "What? I don't spend all my time with Rose. She can take care of herself you know."

Christian frowned, "Do you have any idea what she's going through right now? I'm pretty sure she needs you more than I do. You know I would understand if you needed to spend time with her."

I felt a spurt of irritation run through me. I knew Rose could take care of herself and I didn't see the need to baby her when all she'd done since I had managed to turn Dimitri back was push him and fight him to try and get him to love her again. Every time she did it, it felt like we took 10 steps back with his guilt. I was trying to help him get through it because I knew that he still loved her. I knew that he was the one pushing her away and that until he managed to forgive himself for what he had done to her neither one of them was going to be happy.

"I'm sure she's fine Christian. I know she understand why I haven't been around just like you do."

I looked at Dimitri and he almost looked like he wanted to cry, but that couldn't be right could it? I mean this was Rose we were talking about and she was the strongest of us all. She took care of me for two years by herself.

At last he spoke, "You don't understand, Rose is gone."

I shook my head, "No she's not. I mean she can't be. She would have told me if she was leaving."

"When would she have told you? Apparently you don't have any time for her anymore." Christian said.

I felt irritation come into my voice, "I do to, and she can't be gone. What do you mean, Dimitri?"

"I went to look for her earlier at the guardian headquarters and Hans told me she had taken a leave of absence and he wasn't sure if she was even coming back." He took a deep breath, "I was going to ask you if you knew where she was but I couldn't find you so I decided to go ask Adrian."

Christian looked over at him, "Does he know where she is?"

Dimitri nodded, "I'm pretty sure he does, but he said he promised her he wouldn't tell me where she was going and the only thing that he would tell me was that she was okay."

I stood up and started walking towards the door. "Well, maybe he will tell me where she went. I mean, there's no reason she wouldn't want me to know."

The two guys followed me and we walked back towards Adrian's. I couldn't believe that she would just leave; I thought we had made a promise when she came back from her trip to kill Dimitri that we would always stay together. If she needed to leave I would have gone with her.

When we got there I rang the doorbell and we waited for Adrian to answer. Dimitri looked worried and he seemed concerned, but there couldn't be anything seriously wrong could there? Rose and I had been best friends for almost as long as I could remember and I couldn't imagine her leaving upset without talking to me or letting me know what was going on.

When Adrian finally answered the door he looked irritated to see us all standing on his front steps but he went ahead and opened the door to let us come in and said, "What are you guys all doing here?"

I looked over at him, "Dimitri said that Rose left."

He nodded, "Yes, she did."

I frowned, "That's all you have to say? Where did she go and why did she leave?"

His eyebrows shot up as if he was mocking me, "Really, Liss? You have no idea? Of course you don't. You haven't seen her in weeks. You didn't even stop by her room once to see how she was doing. You didn't see her constantly crying and staring blankly at her own walls. You weren't there when he fucked her and left her alone."

I saw Dimitri flinch at his words and I said, "What do you mean? You had sex with Rose?"

I looked back and forth between Adrian and Dimitri but neither one of them seemed to want to answer me. I looked at Christian and he looked as if he could light someone on fire. I had never seen him so angry before and I wasn't sure who exactly it was he was angry at.

He looked at Dimitri first, "You slept with Rose when you knew she still loved you? Then you left her again? How could you do that to her? She forgave you for every single thing you did to her while you weren't yourself, hell she even forgave you for ignoring her when you came back and you pay her back by leading her on and then crushing her heart again?" Dimitri flinched again and I could tell that he wanted to cry which also shocked me because although I had seen Dimitri cry when he was changed back, I'd never seen it again.

But Christian wasn't done, "And you Lissa. How could you do that to Rose? How could you not even see her for over a month? She shouldn't have needed to ask you to come; she shouldn't have needed to tell you that she was hurting. Hell, I knew she was hurting. How could she not be? She went through hell just to hunt him down and kill him, then she managed to find a way to make the impossible possible, and then finally she got him back only to have him ignore her. Well, and apparently have a one night stand with. You should have known that she was dying inside you should have been there for her before you were with me. Hell, before you were with him. She's the one who has always been there for you. She's the one to protected you and let you feed from her just to stay alive while you ran away from the academy."

I was crying, and I knew he was right. I had been selfish to assume that she would always be there for me when I needed her and then not been there for her when she needed me more than ever. But the worst part was that I was starting to realize why I hadn't been. I had been jealous of Dimitri when I learned about his relationship with Rose. She had hid it from me for so long and we had never kept secrets from each other before that, but it wasn't even that she had just hidden it from me. She had also left me for him in order to find him and kill him. I had been replaced in her life as the most important person.

Some selfish part of me had wanted to keep Dimitri from her in order to keep her close to me, but in doing so I hadn't even done that. I had managed to push her away and keep her from the love of her life. It wasn't fair of me on either count. After all, I had Christian and I knew that even though Rose and I had always been best friends, he was the most important person in my life right now.

I looked back towards Adrian, "He's right. I haven't been a good friend to her and I definitely haven't been there for her the way I should have been. Where is she? I want to let her know that I'm sorry."

Adrian sighed, "Even if I wanted to tell you, which I'm not sure I do, I couldn't. I promised her that I wouldn't tell any of you where she went. I can tell her what you said, but she needs to be away from here. You have no idea what she's dealing with and you have no idea the pain she's been going through the last few weeks. If she wants you to know where she is then I'll tell you or she'll tell you, but until then you're just going to have to wait."

I looked at his face and I could see the determination there. I knew that there was nothing any of us could say to him that would make him betray Rose, and I was honestly glad. I hadn't been a good friend to her, but at least I knew that Adrian had. At least she had someone she could count on. "Please tell her I'm sorry."

He nodded and I could tell he was done with us. I led the guys out the door and we walked down to the small coffee shop outside of Adrian's neighborhood. I could tell Christian was still furious with both of us. He may fight and tease Rose constantly, but I knew he thought of her as almost a sister and the idea that the two of us had been hurting her so badly had really pissed him off.

He looked at Dimitri first, "You slept with her?"

Dimitri looked crushed and I could tell he had been beating himself up about his own behavior but he nodded at Christian. "Yes, it was a mistake."

That seemed to just piss Christian off more, "What do you mean it was a mistake? You don't accidently sleep with someone, and I guarantee Rose didn't walk into your room with no clothes on and force you to have sex with her."

Dimitri flinched. "No, but it's wrong for me to be with her. I did so much to hurt her while we were in Russia and even afterwards. She deserves so much better than me, and I never planned on sleeping with her. I'd been trying to push her away and trying to get her to choose Adrian, but that night I couldn't."

"Really? Don't you think Rose can decide what's best for her and who she wants in her life? She forgave you for everything you did to her while you were Strigoi. She forgave you before you were even returned to being a dhampir. You might think you're doing what's best for her, but it's not. There's no way you can make her be with Adrian, and if you don't want her anymore I can almost guarantee that she will never move on."

Dimitri frowned, "She was with him before I came back, and she could be with him again."

Christian laughed, "Rose was never truly with Adrian and I think even he knows that. She was with him because she needed comfort after you left. She needed someone to want her and to love her and Adrian did, but she never had anything left to give him. She's always been yours and to tell you the truth I'm not sure how we didn't know it before she finally told us about your relationship."

Dimitri was silent and I could tell he was trying to convince himself that Christian was wrong, but I couldn't let him. I felt like I had chosen him over Rose for far too long and I needed to support her here. I needed him to know how important he was to her. "Christian's right. You can't force Rose to love someone else. When you were gone she wasn't Rose anymore. She was broken, and even though she managed to find a small piece of herself with Adrian, it wasn't the same. The only person that ever truly understood Rose or put that fire in her eyes is you. I don't think that anyone else can give that to her."

We were all silent for a few minutes before Dimitri finally spoke, "It doesn't matter anyway, she's gone and we have no idea where she is."

I sighed, "I hope she's okay wherever she is."

Apparently Christian wasn't done though. He looked at me, "I can't believe you Liss. You had no reason to push her away. She's never done anything but be there for you. Even when she was halfway around the world trying to find him she managed to save your life."

I felt tears begin to fall down my face, "I know, alright. I know what I did was wrong and I don't have any good reason for it. I'm sorry and when I see her again I will be sure to let her know that."

Christian still looked angry but at least he seemed to calm down a little. "Well then the two of you better figure out how to find her before she's lost to you forever."

And with that he stood up leaving Dimitri and I to figure out what we could possibly do to find the one person who didn't want to be found.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_**Three Months Later**_

_Rose's POV_

I had just fallen asleep when I felt the familiar fog of one of Adrian's spirit dreams surround me. When it cleared we were standing in a small meadow filled with hundreds of wildflowers. It was absolutely beautiful and for some unexplainable reason made me feel home sick.

"You look beautiful as always."

I turned around to see Adrian coming up behind me and rushed to hug him. I had missed him terribly, and although I loved the Belikovs, I missed my old friends and my old life. "I'm glad you're here. It feels like I haven't seen you in forever.

Adrian laughed, "We just had one of these a few weeks ago."

"I know, but I guess I'm a little homesick and you're about the closest thing I can get to home."

He smiled, "You look radiant. It's still hard for me to think of you having a baby in few months."

I looked down and noticed he'd put me in a white sundress that fell lightly over my rounded stomach. It was sometimes hard for me to really imagine having a baby. I knew that I was going to, and in the past few months it had even been a big part of what had helped me to find a small piece of my old self, but at the same time it wasn't something I had ever really thought would happen to me. The only person I had ever wanted was Dimitri and the fact that we would never be able to have kids together was something I had just accepted. It wasn't even just that I knew we couldn't have kids together, but it was also the fact that I was never really sure I wanted them.

I knew Dimitri did, and I had always felt a little guilty that I was taking that option away from him. I knew that he would be a great father, but I wasn't always sure that I would be a good mother. I had never really had one of my own. I had grown up at the academy and very rarely seen my own mother, and I knew that there was no way I could do that to my own child. But I also wasn't really sure how to be a mother.

"It's kind of surreal. I know I'm going to, but at the same time it's hard for me to imagine my life after it gets here." I said.

I sat down in the middle of the meadow and he came to sit beside me. "What do you mean?"

I looked up at him, "Last time I was here Abe told me that this wasn't my home, and I know it's true. I mean, I love the Belikovs, but I can't just be a housewife or a mother with a part-time job. It's just not who I am. My whole life has been training to be a guardian and learning how to kill Strigoi. I can't imagine not doing that in some way."

He nodded, "I can understand that. It's kind of hard for me to picture you in any kind of role that didn't include protecting people. It's just what you've always done with both Lissa and Dimitri."

I flinched and the use of _his_ name. It was something I tried to avoid, but it was almost impossible. Everything about my current life reminded me of him and it seemed like no matter where I went in Baia there was someone or something that made me think of him.

We sat there silently for a few minutes before he said, "I saw Lissa again today. She wanted me to tell you that she's sorry again, and she wanted me to tell you that she would really like to see you. She tried to get me to tell her where you are. I know that both she and Dimitri are looking for you."

I sighed, "I'm not ready to see her and I don't know why he thinks he has any right to look for me. He made it perfectly clear that he doesn't want anything to do with me. Why does he think that when I disappear he can just suddenly decide he needs to see me?"

"Maybe he was just pushing you away, maybe he does really love you. He seems miserable without you here."

I groaned and laid down in the flowers, "No, he doesn't. He's told me that repeatedly and it's about time I listened. Even if he did, I don't know that it matters anymore. He's hurt me so much more since he became a dhampir again then all the time that he was Strigoi. It's easy to forgive him for all of the pain he caused me when he wasn't himself, but all of the things he's said to me since then came from him and he knew what he was saying."

He laid back with me, "Maybe it was his way of trying to protect you from himself. Maybe he really thought that you were better off without him."

"I'm not a child anymore, Adrian. If that is what he was doing then it's the same as if he was treating me like one. I can make my own decisions about what I want and who I want in my life. He can't decide that for me and he can't make me want something or someone else."

It was quiet again for a few more minutes until I gasped as I felt a small kick in my abdomen. I grabbed Adrian's hand and laid it over my stomach. I wasn't completely sure if it was even possible for him to feel the baby kick in one of these dreams, but a few seconds later it kicked again and Adrian looked over at me amazed. I smiled, "I wasn't really sure that would work."

He laughed, "Well, considering that this kid is the offspring of two of the most bad ass guardians out there I imagine that this is only the beginning."

I couldn't help but laugh with him at that. "You should come see me. I have a doctor's appointment in a couple of days and I get to find out if it's a boy or a girl."

He looked surprised, "You want me to go with you?"

I smiled, "Yes. I know it's not really the relationship you want with me, but I still think of you like a brother and I would love it if you would be here with me."

It was hard for me to know that Adrian loved me and that I would never be able to return those feelings. I wasn't sure that I would ever truly be able to get over Dimitri and even if I could find a way, it was even harder for me to think about giving my heart away again. The only thing I had ever gotten out of our relationship was pain, and we had never even truly had a moment where we were able to just be happy being together.

He leaned over and brushed away some of the hair that had fallen into my eyes and said, "I know, Rose. It was unfair of me to ever try to make you be with me. I knew from the moment I first saw you with him that I didn't stand a chance." He paused, "I don't really have anything planned for the next few days. I have to be back by the end of the week though. Christian asked me to teach spirit at the new school they're starting for Moroi. They've found several new spirit users that need to be taught how spirit works."

"So you'll come?" I asked excitedly. I missed being around my old friends and the thought of actually seeing Adrian outside of a dream made me realize how much I really missed him.

He laughed at my excitement, "Yes, little dhampir, but I need to leave you and get ready if you want me to come."

I laughed and started push him away, "Then go, I'll see you in a day or two."

He smiled again and the dream began to fade, "I'll see you in a few days."

As he disappeared, I felt a happier than I had in months as I slipped into a dreamless sleep.

It was two days later when he finally arrived. I was babysitting Paul, Zoya, and baby Natasha while Karolina and Sonya were both working. After I'd first arrived I had tried to get a job of my own but since I wasn't fluent in Russian it had been impossible. Instead I watched the kids whenever Karolina or Sonya needed me to and worked with Viktoria on learning Russian.

Viktoria had just returned home from hanging out with her friends and I was getting ready to go for a run. It was the closest I could get to training since my doctor had refused to allow me to do any type of hand to hand combat while pregnant.

I shouted at Viktoria to get the door and finished changing into my jogging shorts and a loose t-shirt I had found in one of the closets. I tried to tell myself it was Paul's, but due to the age I was almost certain it had to have been one of Dimitri's from when he was growing up.

When I made my way to the living room I almost laughed at loud at what I saw. Adrian was standing there with Viktoria looking speechless. I walked up to him and gave him a quick hug before asking, "Are you two okay?"

Adrian smiled but his eyes never left Viktoria, "Little dhampir, who is this beautiful creature?"

I almost laughed again because to my delight a blush rose to Viktoria's cheek. It seemed like it had been forever since I'd heard Adrian flirt with anyone other than me, and I knew Viktoria hadn't dated anyone since her horrible romance with Rolan. "This is Dimitri's youngest sister Viktoria. Viktoria this is Adrian Ivashkov."

Her eyes widened a bit has she heard his royal name, "It's nice to meet you Lord Ivashkov."

Adrian laughed, "No, just Adrian. I try to avoid being royal whenever possible."

The blush was still on her cheeks and I could tell that she was checking him out and to my surprise he was doing the same. I smiled to myself and turned to him, "I was about to go for a run, will you be okay here with Viktoria for a little bit?"

"I'll be fine, I'm sure that Viktoria and I can come up with plenty of ways to stay occupied."

I laughed at his obvious flirting and left them alone. As I walked out the door I put my earphones in my ears and turned on my iPod. The music filled my ears and my legs began to jog and I slowly felt the stress leave my body. I wasn't used to not being in constant motion and being unable to train or even spar had made me a bit restless. The only time I really seemed to relax was while I was running.

Unfortunately running also reminded me of Dimitri and how our relationship had started. Everytime I started running I would think of the constant laps he made me do or the times that he would run along with me and I would push myself to be faster than him.

I wondered what Dimitri would think of Adrian possibly having a relationship with his sister. I knew that Dimitri had never liked Adrian, but I had always assumed that it was because of how obvious he was with his feelings about me. If it wasn't for the fact that he had been in love with me, I always thought that the two of them would get along. Of course, that was before Dimitri had hurt me so badly. Now it was probably Adrian who would have problems being in any type of relationship where Dimitri was involved.

I ran for an hour before returning to the house, and was pleasantly surprised to see that Viktoria was practically sitting on Adrian's lap on the sofa. I laughed as the jumped apart when I entered, "Don't worry about me; I'm just passing through to the shower."

As I took a quick shower I couldn't help but be happy that Adrian had an obvious connection to Viktoria. I had felt guilty even inviting him here because I couldn't help but wonder if he was still holding out for a relationship with me, and although I knew that I had told him over and over that I would never think of him as anything other than an older brother, I knew that he still had some feelings for me. I wanted him to have a chance to be happy. I didn't want to hold him back from having his own life. I had done that for far too long just by dating him when I was never really over Dimitri.

I dried my hair and let it fall down my back then threw on a pale yellow sundress that clung to my body and showed off my growing baby bump. It was lucky that Sonya had just had Natasha and that we were close to the same size. I'd been able to take all of her maternity clothes and hadn't needed to buy any new ones.

I walked back into the living room and I could smell the smell of Olena's cooking which made my stomach growl. Considering I ate a lot before I got pregnant it was ridiculous how much I ate now and it seemed as if I was constantly hungry.

"There you are Roza. Could you set the table for me? I think dinner should be ready in a few minutes." Olena's voice came from the kitchen.

I quickly agreed and put out all the plates and placemats before going in to see if she needed any more help, I figured I'd give Viktoria and Adrian a little more time to get to know each other.

I swiped a piece of black bread as I watched Olena work, I knew better than to offer her help. She took pride in taking care of her children and she loved to cook for all of us. If she needed my help she would ask for it.

"Should I be worried about your friend?" She asked quietly.

I was confused at first about what she was asking me, but then I quickly realized that she must have noticed the attraction between Adrian and Viktoria just as I had. "No, Adrian's one of the best guys I know and he took care of me when I didn't really have anyone else. He would never hurt Viktoria."

She smiled, "Good. I was beginning to wonder if she would ever date anyone again after being hurt by Rolan, and if you say he's a good man then I believe you. How long is he staying with us?"

"Just a few days, I invited him here to go with me to my appointment in the morning."

She nodded, "I'm glad he came for you, I know how you have missed your old friends."

She motioned for me to start putting food on the table and I shouted to Adrian and Viktoria to bring the kids to eat. They came in a few minutes later. Paul sat in his seat and instantly started eating, Viktoria brought in Zoya and loaded her into her high chair, and Adrian walked in carrying little baby Natasha.

It was ridiculous but seeing him holding her made me think of how my life should have been. How it should have been Dimitri here with me and our baby and I felt a familiar ache inside of me. It seemed as if no matter how far I got from Dimitri and no matter how long I was away from him my soul still called out to his. I still wanted him, I still needed him, and I still loved him.

I felt Olena's arm go around my shoulder and I knew that she understood what I was feeling, "It will be okay Roza."

I knew she was trying to comfort me, but I couldn't think of any way that any of this would ever be okay again. I might want him and need him, but he didn't want me and he didn't need me. He'd told me so more times than I could count, and I now knew that I wouldn't be getting over him. It was impossible, he was too much ingrained in me and too much a part of me whether he wanted to be or not.

I wiped away the tears that had slipped from my eyes and tried to smile as we sat down to eat.


	7. Chapter 6

**Just want to throw out a quick thank you to everyone who has been reviewing! It makes me want to keep writing! :)**

**Chapter 6**

"Are you sure you want me here?" Adrian asked for the millionth time.

I laughed at his obvious discomfort. Apparently Adrian had an irrational fear of being in doctor's offices. "Yes. Don't you want to see the baby?"

He nodded and was about to answer me when the doctor walked into the room, "Ah, Guardian Hathaway. How are you today?"

I smiled, "I'm good, and the nausea seems to have finally passed."

"That's good to hear." She leaned over me to grab the ultrasound wand and the lubricating jelly. "Would you like to find out the baby's sex today? Or are you planning on having a surprise?"

Adrian laughed from beside me, "Rose hates surprises. She can't handle not being prepared."

I frowned at him, "There's nothing wrong with being prepared, and yes I would like to know."

The doctor laughed at our exchange and busied herself with moving the wand over my stomach. The room was suddenly filled with the thump thump of the baby's heartbeat and it was easy to see the outline of the baby's face on the monitor.

I looked over at Adrian to see what his reaction was and I was surprised to see the amazement on his face. I could understand how he felt; it was so strange to know that there was some little person inside of me growing and that one day I would have to give birth to it.

She kept moving around the wand for a few more seconds until I very obviously noticed the baby's two legs spread open and a tiny little penis between them. She laughed, "Well, that's about as obvious as it gets. You're having a boy!"

I smiled and for the first time since I found out I was pregnant I was truly excited. It was so easy for me to see a little miniature Dimitri running around the house and one day growing up to be a fierce guardian just like his father. The doctor kept moving the wand around and took some measurements before finally putting it away and wiping the gel from my stomach. Then she reached over and printed off some of the pictures from the ultrasound and she lectured me on remembering to take my vitamins then she was gone.

We left the doctor's office a few minutes after that and I could tell that Adrian was lost in thought, but I wasn't sure what was bothering him. "What's wrong?"

He looked over at me as we began the walk back to the Belikov's house, "Are you planning on telling Dimitri about the baby?"

It was a question that I had been asking myself for the past few months and I had yet to come to a decision. On one hand I selfishly wanted him to have nothing to do with my baby's life. He had hurt me so much that I couldn't stand the idea of him possibly hurting his child as well, but on the other hand I knew that Dimitri would never hurt this baby. He had always wanted children and I knew he would be overjoyed with the news.

But there was also the fact that last time he saw me he had called me a whore. I wasn't even sure he would believe me if I told him that the child was his. Then at the same time I knew what it was like to grow up without a father and I didn't really want that for my own child. I wanted him to know that he was loved by both his mother and father from the day he was born.

"I just don't know. I want to tell him, but I'm afraid that he will think I'm lying and not believe that the baby is his. After all the rejection I've had from him I don't know that I could handle him rejecting his own baby."

Adrian nodded, "As much as I don't like Belikov, I do think you should tell him. The longer you wait the harder it's going to be and even if you do tell him there's no reason why he has to know where you are. At least not for now."

I took a deep breath, "I know you're right, but let me think about it okay?"

He smiled, "Of course, I'm not going to make you decide. It's completely up to you what you want to do and I will support you no matter what you decide."

I smiled gratefully at him and we walked in silence for a little while before he asked, "Do you have any names picked out yet?"

I smiled, I had already decided a few months ago what the baby's name would be if it was a boy. I had never really been able to think of any girl names that I liked and I wondered if subconsciously I'd always known he was a boy. "Yes, his name will be Mason Adrian Belikov."

I watched him as his eyes widened and he looked surprised, "You're naming him after me?"

I smiled, "Of course, you're the only one who has been here for me in the past few months and I can't think of any better name for him or any better person to be named after."

We reached the house just then and we entered to find Viktoria waiting for us excitedly. I quickly told her about the appointment and then showed her the pictures the doctor had printed off. She smiled and laughed at the picture that showed the baby's legs wide opened with his little penis in between them.

As I put the pictures back in my purse she looked over at Adrian, "I was thinking that maybe we could go out and I could show you around Baia. I know this is the first time you've been here and there are lots of places that I could show you."

Adrian smiled, "That sounds great, do you want to come too Rose?"

I could tell that he was only inviting me to be polite and I knew that while neither one of them would mind if I came along they both secretly wanted me to stay behind. So I made an excuse of being tired and went up to my room to take a nap.

When I got up to my room I took out my ultrasound pictures again. I stared at them in wonder and my thoughts returned to Dimitri. Could I tell him about Mason? I wasn't sure that I could, but I also wasn't sure that I couldn't. I knew Adrian was right when he told me it would only get harder the longer I waited and I felt as if this was something that I couldn't keep from him. Even if he didn't believe me I knew I had to tell him, at least then I could say I had tried.

But I also knew I couldn't just call him. I was just starting to feel a little like my old self and although I seemed to still think of him constantly it also seemed as if it was becoming a little less painful. But I knew if I picked up that phone and heard his voice it would all come back to me and I would be lost again. I needed to keep my distance from him especially since I wasn't sure how he was going to react to the news.

So I went to the small desk in the corner and took out a pair of scissors. I looked over my ultrasound pictures then picked out a good one that should the complete outline of our child and cut it off the row of pictures. Then I pulled a piece of paper from one of the drawers and quickly wrote him a letter. When I was done I put the letter and the picture in the envelope and set it on the desk to give to Adrian before he left. It wasn't the bravest way to tell someone that he's going to be a father, but it was the best I could do.

Afterwards I laid down in the bed and drifted to sleep where I dreamed of a brown eyed baby boy being held by a brown eyed man and I couldn't help but think that these two boys would always have my heart.

The next few days went by fast. Adrian tried to spend half his time with me and the other half with Viktoria and I could tell that he really and truly was over me. I could see how both of them lit up when they were around each other and it was a painful reminder of how Dimitri and I had been during the time before he was changed, but I was happy for them and I knew that they both deserved this happiness.

As he was leaving I pulled Adrian aside and handed him the letter I had written for Dimitri. "I know that this isn't the best way to tell him, but could you give him this letter for me? I just don't think I could handle telling him over the phone and I definitely don't want to return to court right now."

He took the envelope from me and nodded, "Of course I will." He gave me a hug and smiled. "Are you sure that you're going to be okay here?"

I laughed, "I don't know where else I could go, but yes I will be fine. At least for now, after Mason is born I don't know what I'll do or where I'll go."

He kissed me on the cheek as he walked out the door, "Don't worry little dhampir, we'll think of something to keep you busy for now just focus on taking care of yourself."

And with that he walked out the door. As he disappeared I couldn't help but wonder if I had made the right choice in telling Dimitri about our baby, but it was too late to change my mind now.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

_Dimitri's POV_

It had been almost 5 months since I had last seen my Roza. My whole body seemed to cry out for her and it seemed impossible for me to breathe. I had no idea where she was. I had no idea if she was safe. I had no idea if she had moved on. I don't do well with the unknown.

The last three months seemed like a blur. I had tried everything that I could think of to find her. I asked all of her friends among the guardians if they knew where she had gone. Some of them ignored me completely while others looked sympathetic but knew nothing. I'd even tried to ask Eddie and Mia, but they had refused to see me at all. I couldn't really blame them.

The only thing stopping me from asking Janine Hathaway or Abe Mazur was the fact that I knew Janine was furious with me after finding out about our forbidden relationship and Abe had resources to make people disappear. Something told me that I was probably high on his list of future victims. Lissa, however, had tried and although they were speaking to her they had no idea where she was either.

I was beginning to think the only person who did know was Adrian Ivashkov and I had absolutely no idea how to get him to give me the information. I had always known that Adrian had strong feelings for Roza and if he loved her half as much as I did then he would keep her secret.

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock at my door. I quickly got up to answer it hoping it was Lissa and that she had found Roza, but it wasn't.

I was shocked to see Adrian himself standing in my doorway. He looked just about as happy to see me as I was to see him. He frowned slightly but asked, "Can I come in?"

I nodded and moved out of his way. I had no idea what he was here for, but I also wasn't going to make him any angrier with me than he already was. I still had to find a way to get information about Roza from him.

He walked over to the small sofa that was furnished with my room and took a seat. "Rose sent me to give you a letter, but before I give it to you I need you to understand something."

He took a deep breath and seemed to be trying to decide if he really wanted to tell me what was on his mind. I just waited. I wasn't sure what was going on, but I also knew that if he had a letter from Roza then I would listen to anything he had to say.

He looked out the window and a haunted expression seemed to come over his face. "When I first met Rose at the ski lodge I felt drawn to her. There's something about her that just seemed to draw me in. She had so much fight in her and so much fire. If she believed in something then she would stand up for it until she had no breath left."

He paused for a second and then continued, "I knew that she had feelings for you from the first time I saw you two together. It was so obvious and your auras were always so bright when you were together, but I don't think I truly realized how deep her feelings were for you until the night of the rescue."

I closed my eyes as I felt my heart clench inside of my chest. I couldn't imagine the pain she went through that night, if our roles had been reversed and it had been her in that cave I don't know how I would have reacted.

"It was Lissa who found her. She was in the church and she had fallen asleep, but as soon as she opened her eyes I knew something was terribly wrong. There was nothing in them. It was like the moment you disappeared all the parts that made Rose herself disappeared with you. The only time she even reacted was when she thought that Lissa might be able to heal you or bring you back to life if you were still out there. Lissa refused and I think that even now she still feels guilty about that. She didn't know about your relationship at the time."

Adrian looked down at his hands and I could tell this story wasn't something he wanted to be reliving and honestly I didn't really want to either. I hated to think of how much pain I had caused her and knowing that my disappearance had only been the beginning made it hurt that much more.

"After Mason told her that you had been turned it was like a zombie had replaced her. For two days she did nothing. She didn't eat, she didn't sleep, and she wouldn't talk to any of us. All she would do was lie on her bed and cry silently. It was on the third day that she remembered the conversation the two of you had had about what would happen if you were ever turned. I think that is the only reason that she got out of that bed. She felt like it was an unspoken promise between the two of you and it gave her a purpose again. She trained for the next few days nonstop and then on her birthday dropped out and left. I guess you know more about what happened after that then I do."

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked. I wasn't sure where he was going with any of this and being reminded of what had happened in Russia made the pain in my heart double.

Adrian finally looked over at me, "Because I know you're doing this because you feel guilty about what happened there. I know you're pushing her away in some twisted way because you truly think you're helping her. I need you to understand that you're not. I want her to be happy again and I think you're the only way she ever will be."

I felt anger rise in me and I started pacing around the small room. "You are the one that doesn't understand. You don't know what I did to her. The things I did are unforgivable and it's not right for me to hold her in a relationship when every time she looks at me she'll be reminded of what I have done."

Adrian laughed but it sounded sarcastic. "I think you need to take a look in the mirror. Rose forgave you for everything you did the moment that you came back. She's told you that more than once and so has everyone else around you. You are the one that hasn't forgiven yourself. You're the one that can't look past what you've done to her. She looks at you and sees the other half of herself and the only thing that I can see that's unforgivable is the way you're treating her now."

I growled at him, "Then why are you even here."

"Because I just got back from seeing her and she had the same haunted look in her eyes that she did when she realized you were gone the first time. She tries to hide and she tries to distract herself, but all she thinks about is you. I love her like a sister and I can't stand to see her like that."

"Then tell me where she is." I demanded.

He looked conflicted for a moment and I almost thought he might actually tell me, but the second passed and he just shook his head, "Even if I wanted to I couldn't. She still loves you and I think she always will, but she's not ready to see you and I don't know if she could handle it right now."

He reached in his pocket and pulled out an envelope. "Think about what I said. You can't force someone to love someone else and you need to realize that you're the only thing keeping the two of you apart. What you're doing is not protecting her or helping her."

He handed me the envelope and with one last look walked out the door.

On the front was Roza's flowing writing and all it said was Dimitri. I stared it for another few minutes before I finally worked up enough courage to open it. I couldn't imagine what Roza would write me a letter for.

I carefully opened it and pulled out a small piece of paper as I unfolded it something fell to the ground and I was about to reach for it when I noticed the opening for the letter it simply said Guardian Belikov.

For some reason the words stung me. It felt like my heart stopped beating for a second as I absorbed those two words. Roza never called me that, not even when she should have. I sat down on the edge of my bed and read the rest of the letter.

_Guardian Belikov,_

_I've argued with myself for the past few months over whether or not I should tell you this and to tell you the truth I'm still not sure if I should. However, I also can't keep it from you. So, congratulations. You're going to be a father. I'm sure after our last encounter that you won't believe that this child is yours, but regardless of what you think, I've only ever been with you. I know if you think about everything we've ever been told then you will think that this is impossible, but you should also remember everything we've been through. By now even you should know that the impossible always seems to find a way to become possible._

_ Rose_

_ P.S. It's a boy. I'm going to name him Mason Adrian Belikov._

I'm not sure how long I stared at the words on the page. My mind was numb and I couldn't seem to process the information. I suddenly remembered that something else had fallen out of the envelope when I opened it and I looked to the ground to see what it was.

Lying in the middle of the floor was a black and white ultrasound picture. I'd seen several of them from when Karolina had been pregnant with Paul and Zoya. I picked it up and stared and the black and white outline of the baby. My baby.

I had never believed the words I had told her that night. I always knew that Roza was too strong to ever allow herself to be with someone she didn't love, although I had always wondered how far her relationship with Adrian had gone.

I looked back over the letter and read it again. She said I was the only one she had ever been with, but how could this have happened? For a moment I felt furious. She must be lying. There is no way that we could possibly ever have a child together, but in the back of my mind I knew what she had said about things being impossible was right. After all, it's impossible to return a Strigoi to a dhampir isn't it?

And I know Roza. Roza would never lie to me. If she says that this baby is mine then I believe her. A brief flood of happiness went through me as I thought about a small boy running around and playing with her. I could just see his brown eyes being the same beautiful brown as hers.

Then reality came crashing down. I have no idea where she is. I have no idea where my baby is. Then with sudden clarity I realized that every single thing that Adrian had said was right. I wasn't pushing Roza away to keep her safe or because I thought that she was better off with someone other than me. I was pushing her away because I couldn't forgive myself for what I had done to her. I was punishing myself for something that I had no control over and in the process I was hurting her even more.

I felt tears begin to fall down my face and all I could think was, _What have I done?_


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

_Lissa's POV_

I felt the darkness coming into my mind as I concentrated as hard as possible on getting into Christian's dreams. It was my latest endeavor into dream walking with Adrian and it didn't look like this time would work any better than the rest.

I heard Adrian sigh and say, "Maybe we take a few days and relax. I think you're trying too hard, and you have too much darkness in you right now."

I pulled myself back into my own head and groaned, "I don't understand why I can't do this. You can now heal and I can see the auras but for some reason I can't seem to grasp this."

He shrugged, "Maybe we can't do everything. After all, you're way stronger than me in healing. Maybe this is just something you really can't do."

"I don't believe that. I will figure out how to do this." I growled in frustration.

Adrian laughed at my hardheadedness and I could tell he wasn't sure if this really was something I could learn. I was actually starting to agree with him. After all, I hadn't even been able to connect even for a second with anyone in a dream so far.

I focused on calming down to try and relieve the darkness that was fresh on my mind from my recent use of spirit. We were sitting in the living room of my suite and there was the low hum of Christmas music in the background. I stared at the small Christmas tree in the corner of the room and watched the lights blink on and off as I pushed the darkness from my mind.

"It's harder to fight off the darkness without Rose here." I sighed as I turned to look at Adrian. "I don't think she's been taking any since she left. I don't think she's even been in my head. I haven't felt so empty since my family died."

Adrian's eyes looked conflicted. I knew it was hard for him to keep Rose's secret and that he wished that we were all back together again, but he also knew that we had hurt her and he was protecting her from us. Part of that really hurt me, when had I become someone that Rose needed protection from? How had I turned from her at a time when she needed me the most?

I could tell that Adrian wasn't going to say anything else about Rose so I changed the subject. "Christian and I were thinking that maybe we could all have Christmas dinner here together. Do you have any plans?"

"Yes, I'm taking a trip, I'm leaving tonight. We'll have to get together after I get back and have a late Christmas." He said as he looked away.

He was acting odd and he was trying to keep from looking at me. All the sudden I was very suspicious, "Where are you going?"

He looked like he couldn't decide what to tell me and all the sudden it made perfect sense. He was going to spend Christmas with Rose. "If I give you her present will you take it to her?"

A look of relief covered his face. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to lie to you, but I promised her I wouldn't say anything. Of course I'll take your gift for you."

At that moment Christian walked in from the bedroom and Adrian stood up, "I guess you had a good dreamless nap."

Christian smiled at me sympathetically, "I guess you still couldn't get in?"

I frowned at him, "Adrian doesn't think I can."

Adrian laughed, "I just said maybe you can't. We don't really know for sure how spirit works so anything is possible." He walked over and gave me a quick hug. "I'll see you later, cousin. I need to get ready for my trip."

I smiled, "I'll stop by your room later and bring the gift."

He nodded and walked out the door. Christian came to sit next to me and put his arm around my shoulder, "Where is he going?"

"He's going to see Rose for Christmas."

I noticed that Christian's eyes darkened at the mention of Rose's name. I don't think he's really forgiven me or Dimitri for how we treated her before she left, and honestly I don't blame him. I can't even forgive myself for how I treated her.

As I watched his face suddenly an idea came to me. It seemed so easy, but would it work? I wasn't sure, but it was the best chance we had to find Rose. We hadn't had any luck finding her any other way.

"Christian give Dimitri a call and ask him to meet me at the coffee shop. I have a plan on how to find Rose."

Christian looked as if he wanted to ask me more but he just nodded and went to get his cell phone and call Dimitri.

Twenty minutes later we were sitting at the coffee shop. I hadn't seen Dimitri in about a week and he looked like hell. His eyes had a haunted expression in them and although I knew that he was still dealing with the guilt of what he had done while he was a Strigoi, I knew this was something worse.

I thought about asking him about it, but this wasn't the time or the place. If this plan was going to work we had to do it now. "I have an idea, but I'm not sure if it will work or not."

A flicker of life seemed to go through his eyes, "If there's even a small chance of finding her then I'm in."

I nodded, "I just got done having a spirit lesson with Adrian and I invited him to have Christmas with us, but he said he couldn't because he was going on a trip. He didn't want to tell me where, but I figured out that he's going to see Rose."

I paused, if Adrian found out what we were doing he would be furious, but what other choice did I have? Rose was obviously no interested in seeing either one of us, and I had to have the chance to tell her I was sorry. She was like a sister to me and as badly as I knew I had hurt her, we needed each other.

"He's leaving tonight and he was going home to pack, so I figure that he probably has his plane ticket and maybe some information about where he's going in his rooms." I took a deep breath; I knew I was betraying his trust by doing this. "I'm going to get him to meet me here in half an hour to give him a present to give to Rose for Christmas. I thought maybe you could sneak in to his rooms and go through his bags."

I watched his face carefully, he had just been reinstated as an official guardian but had yet to be assigned to anyone. I knew if he got caught doing this it would ruin his chances of ever being assigned to any Moroi, but all I saw was resolve. I knew without him speaking that there wasn't anything that would keep him from finding Rose and this was the only option we had so far.

He nodded, "I'll wait outside of his rooms until I see him leave. Try to give me 30 minutes and then I'll meet you back at your suite when I'm done."

I nodded and pulled out my cell phone to call Adrian. I quickly told him that I had Rose's present and his as well and asked him to meet me at the coffee shop so that I could give them to him. He agreed and I hung up.

"He will be here in 15 minutes, try not to leave any sign that you were there. If he warns her she might disappear again." I said.

Dimitri grinned, "He'll never know I was there."

He got up and left towards Adrian's room and I knew I should feel guilty about what we were doing, but how could I when I knew that if this worked I would finally be able to see Rose again?

_Dimitri's POV_

Ten minutes later, I watched Adrian leave his room. I gave him a few minutes just to be sure he didn't come back for anything then walked to his door. The great thing about living at Court is that everyone thinks they're safe with the Wards around us, and the rooms used cheap locks that were definitely not good for safety.

It only took me seconds to pick the lock and then I was in. I switched on the light and quickly scanned the large living area. It was actually much cleaner than anything I had imagined Adrian living in, but I assumed he probably had staff to clean for him.

There wasn't any luggage in the living room so I went in to the small bedroom and quickly spotted two suitcases that were still lying open on his bed. The first only had clothing and toiletries in it so I moved to the second, but there were only shoes and a couple of wrapped gifts in it.

I cursed in Russian. I had really begun to have hope that we might find her, but I hadn't had any luck any other way so why would this be any different?

I was about to walk out of the room when I noticed a book laying on the table next to the bed with a piece of paper sticking out of it. I felt myself hope again and I grabbed the piece of paper. Sure enough, it was an online ticket confirmation for a plane ticket to Novosibirsk.

Memories started going through my mind of the last time I was in Novosibirsk. Why would Rose choose to go there? She can't have any good memories of the place, and I don't know of any friends or family that might have there.

As I thought I looked around the room for some other small clue as to where Rose could possibly be and my eyes fell on a framed picture sitting on Adrian's dresser. I walked over and picked it up and I couldn't believe my eyes. It was a picture of Adrian with Rose on one side and my sister Viktoria on the other.

How the hell did Adrian know my sister? Then it hit me, the only way he could know my sister is through Rose and I knew that it had to have been taken recently because although Rose was in the picture she wasn't smiling. He eyes had a sad almost lost look that made my heart ache because I knew it was my fault.

She had to be Baia. Why wouldn't my family have told me this? It was obvious from the picture that she was more than likely staying with my family and was close to Viktoria. I briefly felt anger at them for not telling me that she was with them, but it quickly faded as I thought of my mother. I knew that she would have taken care of Rose as if she was her own child, and if I couldn't be with her than there is no one else I would rather have there for her.

I glanced at the clock and realized I had already been in here for twenty minutes. I cursed again in Russian and quickly put everything back exactly as I had found it before making my way out of Adrian's suite.

As soon as I was far enough away to not look suspicious I began to run to Lissa's suite. We now knew where Rose was and we were going to find her.


	10. Chapter 9

**Thanks to all you guys who have been reviewing! It makes me want to keep writing! :) Sorry this chapter took so long, we had an early Thanksgiving with some family out of town. I'll try to get at least two more chapters out this week!**

**Chapter 9**

"Roza!" Paul shouted as he ran into my arms.

I laughed at his obvious joy at seeing me. "What are you doing home so early Paul?"

He smiled at me and laughed, "Don't you remember what today is Auntie Roza?"

I frowned for a minute trying to think of what was special about today. It was three days before Christmas and Adrian would be arriving later, but I knew that wasn't what would make Paul so excited. "What's today?"

"Today is Christmas caroling!"

I laughed out loud, Paul had been so excited all week about going out with the family to sing Christmas carols around the neighborhood. Apparently it was a huge family tradition and all the Belikov's would be attending.

"Why don't you go practice before we get eat?" Viktoria said as she walked into the room. "Roza you should come with us tonight!"

Paul nodded and ran out of the room to go practice singing Christmas carols. They had been trying all week to convince me to go along with them, but while I could hold basic conversations in Russian now, there was no way I could sing Christmas carols in it. Not only that, but standing around singing was hardly easy with my expanding stomach. I didn't mind running but standing still for long periods of time was highly uncomfortable for my lower back.

"I don't think so, you guys should go and have fun I'll just relax and watch _It's a Wonderful Life_ for the 15th time this week."

Viktoria laughed again, "I can't believe how obsessed Karolina is with that movie. You never should have let her watch it the first time!"

I laughed with her. Karolina was obsessed with anything Christmas related and had never seen the movie before I arrived, but when I told her about the tradition that Lissa and I had where we watched it on Thanksgiving every year she had insisted on seeing it. Ever since then it had been on constant rerun every time I came into the living room.

"When is Adrian arriving?" She asked.

I looked up at the clock, "He should be here in about an hour. It's a good thing he already speaks Russian so you don't have to do much convincing to get him to go caroling with you. Although, I'm pretty sure he would do anything you asked him to."

She blushed, "I doubt it. After all, it's not like our relationship can go anywhere. He's a royal moroi."

I frowned, "That kind of stuff doesn't matter to Adrian, and I guarantee you he doesn't have relationships if he doesn't think there's a chance of it going somewhere. Besides, you guys balance each other out so well. He needs someone to put him in his place sometimes!"

She laughed, "I know. He's always so sure that he's right!"

Olena's voice came floating out of the kitchen, "Vika, it's time."

I frowned for a minute trying to figure out what she was talking about, but then I remembered that it was Sunday. Every Sunday the whole family got together and called Dimitri to catch up with him. It was something I always avoided because I couldn't stand to hear his voice without completely losing it. "I'm going to go take a nap before Adrian gets here. Have him wake me up when he arrives."

Vika nodded and gave me a sympathetic look before going into the kitchen to meet the rest of the family.

I wandered slowly up to my room and lay down on the bed. They were always so good about not mentioning his name around me and trying their best to distract me when they knew my thoughts were turning in his direction. But it was an impossible task. I felt as if there was a giant hole inside of chest that was tearing me apart. It was as if without Dimitri there I couldn't function and couldn't breathe.

It terrified me to no end how much power one person had over my entire life. The fact that he had hurt me so much was something that I couldn't understand. I wanted to forget him and to move on. I wanted to be able to be happy with my life and enjoy being pregnant. But I couldn't. To some extent I was extremely happy to be having this baby he was my link to him, but to another it caused me an undefinable amount of pain. It was a constant reminder that he had loved me but that he didn't anymore. It reminded me that I had either done something horrible or that some part of me was horrible enough to make him not want to be with me anymore and that terrified me.

What if everyone around me realized whatever it was that Dimitri had realized about me? What if they all decided they were better off without me too? It already seemed as if this had happened with Lissa. While I knew that she had told Adrian she was sorry, I also knew that she hadn't cared at all before I left and it was only my absence that made her think about me at all.

Then there was Dimitri. He didn't love me anymore and had told me over and over again until there was no way for me to not believe it anymore. I looked down at my stomach and placed my hands on my baby bump. I knew how much this baby would mean to him if he believed it was his. I knew that he would want a part of Mason's life and I wouldn't deny him that. I wanted my baby to know that he was loved by both his mother and his father from the moment he was born, but to do that I knew I would have to face Dimitri before he was born.

I wasn't sure if I was ready for that, granted I still had a few months before it would be time for Mason to be born, but if I was being completely honest I don't think I would ever be ready to face him again. Dimitri always did what he thought was right which is why we had fought our relationship so hard in the beginning. It wouldn't have been fair of us to be a distraction to each other when guarding Lissa. I knew that once he realized this baby really was his that he would do what he thought was right by both of us. He would want us to be a family, but did I want that? Did I want Mason to be the reason that Dimitri decided to be with me again?

No. I didn't want that. I didn't want to be in a forced relationship with someone who obviously didn't want to be in a relationship with me. I have entirely too much stubborn pride to allow myself to settle for someone who didn't want me. I wouldn't keep him away from Mason, but he would never be with me again. It would be better for all of us in the end, because I didn't want Mason to grow up in a family where Dimitri would eventually resent me for being there and keeping him from ever being truly happy.

I closed my eyes and forced myself to close off my heart. From now on the only person who would have any piece of it would be Mason. I would live my life for him now.

I woke up to find my room in darkness and someone gently shaking me. "Wake up Sleeping Beauty. Or there isn't going to be any food left for you to eat!"

I sat up and rubbed my eyes trying to wake them up and myself at the same time. "Adrian? How long have you been here?"

He laughed, "About an hour. I tried to wake you up when I got here, but you were out cold and didn't even move."

I laughed with him, I knew I slept like a log and it was even worse now that I was pregnant. We got up and I followed him down to the dining room. Everyone was already sitting there eating and I took my seat next to Paul.

"I thought you weren't going to get up Roza!" Olena teased.

"You know me, I can't pass up food! Especially not when I know there will be black bread!"

Everyone laughed with me, Olena had finally taught me how to make the bread last week because it was one of my most powerful cravings. Every time she baked a loaf it would be gone within an hour so she decided if I wanted to eat it then I had to learn to make it.

It looked as if most of them were already through eating and had just been sitting around talking. Adrian sat down next to me and put his arm around me, "How's my little godson doing?"

"Trying to make me as uncomfortable as possible, I swear his heel is in my bladder. I can't go more than an hour without peeing!"

Adrian chuckled, "Well, considering that he's the child of two of the most badass guardians around I would say that this is only the beginning."

I groaned, "Tell me about it, I'm not sure how I don't have bruises from him kicking me all day long."

Vika laughed at me, "Well, that's the least of your worries. Look at how big Dimitri is, how big do you think Mason will be when he decides to be born?"

I must have had a strange look on my face because all the sudden the entire table was laughing, "I don't see why it's so funny, you aren't the ones who have to give birth to him!"

"Don't worry; you'll forget all about it as soon as you hold him." Olena said.

I didn't really know how to feel about that. I hadn't really given much thought to the actual birth process. I think I had too much other stress in my life at the moment to even let it cross my mind, but now that it was I was terrified about how this baby was going to get out of me.

Adrian must have noticed my fear and he leaned over and kissed my cheek, "Don't worry little dhampir, you have all of us and when it's all over you'll have Mason too."

I sighed and decided to change the subject. I wasn't really comfortable talking about giving birth while there were children sitting at the table. "When are you guys leaving to go caroling?"

Karolina looked at her watch, "We really should be leaving right now, but we wanted to be sure that you hadn't changed your mind and didn't want to come with us."

"No, I think I'd rather stay here. I'll watch Natasha and relax. Maybe you guys can teach me the carols so that I can go with you next year."

Vika smiled, "We will, you're picking up Russian very fast. I didn't expect you to learn so well. Most people have trouble with it."

Adrian gave me a look before turning to Viktoria, "You don't know Rose very well. She doesn't do anything that she can't excel at. She hates imperfection!"

I elbowed him, "That's so not true!"

He laughed, "It is too! Would you like me to stay with you? We could make hot chocolate and sing carols in English here."

I pulled his arm from around me and shoved him towards Viktoria, "No, you go spend some time with your girlfriend. We can do something tomorrow."

They all stood up and went to put their coats on and Sonya turned to me, "Natasha's already asleep, and the monitor is in the kitchen. You probably won't have to do anything with her; she sleeps as hard as you do."

Everyone laughed at her joke and I scowled at them. They each gave me a hug and left to go caroling. I made my way back to the dining room and finished eating my food before clearing off the table and doing the dishes for Olena. She would have protested if she was here, but I wanted to be useful. It seemed as if I didn't do a lot around here and I didn't have much to contribute.

When I was done I made myself some hot chocolate and grabbed one of throws off the couch before heading out to the back porch. I sat down in one of the old rocking chairs and wrapped the throw around me while I sipped on my hot chocolate.

It was absolutely beautiful tonight. It had snowed all day and there was a glistening white blanket of snow that covered everything. I could see all the stars and with my enhanced hearing I could hear the sound of the carolers in the distance. It was so calm and so peaceful that for once in what seemed like forever I was totally relaxed in my surroundings.

I'm not sure how long I sat there but my hot chocolate was gone and my feet had started to become numb when I finally decided to head back inside. I went to check on Natasha and then decided to watch some television, but just as I was going into the living room I heard a soft knock on the door.

I frowned to myself, I couldn't think of anyone who would be coming by tonight. Everyone we knew was out caroling and anyone in the family would have just come in the door. I made my way to the door and slowly opened it.

My eyes instantly locked with his brown eyes and my heart skipped a beat. It couldn't be. He couldn't be here. I stopped breathing and tiny dots started floating in front of my eyes. This couldn't be happening I wasn't ready to see him and he didn't have the right to have this kind of reaction out of me. I couldn't breathe and I couldn't think. All I could do was stare at him and then just as the world went dark I heard him shout. "Roza!"


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

I could hear voices as I started to wake up. They slowly began to get louder but my eyes still felt heavy and I felt overwhelmingly tired. But as I began to pick up the conversation around me I began to remember what had happened.

How the hell had he found me? I know that the Belikovs wouldn't have told them. They had been really good about being sure that they didn't give away any kind of information to him during their weekly phone calls, and I knew that he hadn't planned on taking any trips here. Olena had invited him for Christmas but he had told her that Lissa had planned on having a small Christmas with Christian and he couldn't leave his charge. I had been relieved to hear that because I knew if he came here I would have to leave for the holidays.

As if he was reading my mind I heard Adrian shout at Dimitri, "How the hell did you find her? I told you that she wasn't ready to see you yet! If you hurt her or the baby I swear I will kill you Belikov!"

I felt a gentle hand press down on my stomach and I felt Mason kick against it, then Olena's voice came from beside me. "She and the baby are both fine Adrian. She probably just fainted from shock and was overwhelmed with everything going on."

I heard Adrian growl. "He still didn't answer my question. How did you know where to find her?"

It was silent for a moment and I knew Dimitri was trying to decide if he should admit the truth or make up a lie. "Lissa had me search your room when she found out you were going to see Rose for Christmas."

I heard a shuffling of feet and Vika shouting at Adrian to stop then I heard the sound I'd come to know well as a novice of a fist hitting flesh. Then there was more shuffling of feet and the sounds of what I assumed was Viktoria pulling Adrian off of Dimitri. I tried to open my eyes but they the fog in my head seemed to keep me from moving. I'm not sure if it was my mind trying to protect me or my curiosity to hear what was being said.

"It's alright, Vika. I deserved that. I know what I did was wrong, but Adrian I had to be here for my baby." Dimitri sighed, "He deserves to know his father."

As I heard his words I felt as if a knife had stabbed me in the heart. He had to be here for the baby. No mention of me. No mention of loving me or needing me. It was exactly as I thought. He was here to do the right thing. To be a good father, but he didn't love me.

Olena's soft voice spoke again, "Dimka, I know you're trying to do the right thing, but she's in a lot of pain right now. She puts up a good face, but I know she's deeply hurt and seeing you like that must have been overwhelming for her. You should have called to at least let us know you were coming."

Dimitri let out a sarcastic laugh, "Momma, if I had done that then she wouldn't have been here when I got here. I know that I'm the last person she wants to see right now, but that doesn't change the fact that I deserve to be here. I want to see my baby born and I want to be his father."

I felt an old spark of who I was when I heard his words. I felt anger fill me and I knew those people who knew me well would have known when they saw me that Rose Hathaway was pissed and it was time to run far away.

I opened my eyes and slowly stood up. I felt Olena's gentle hands trying to get me to lie back down and I saw Viktoria holding Adrian against the wall and whispering in his ear. I'm sure she was trying to calm him down, because he looked as furious as I did.

"You DESERVE nothing, Dimitri." I looked him in the eyes and saw his guardian mask slip for brief second to reveal regret, sadness, and something else I couldn't put my finger on. "You're lucky I grew up without a father and for the most part a mother. I would never take that away from Mason. But Mason isn't here yet, and I don't know why you're here."

Vika let go of Adrian and he walked over to stand beside me. "Calm down, Rose. This isn't good for you or Mason."

Dimitri shot him a look that would have killed, "I'm here because I want to be here for you. I want to help you and you're carrying OUR baby."

I laughed, "I'm surprised you believe that. After all, last time you saw me you were convinced I was a sleeping with any guy who would have me."

He flinched, "Roza –"

I cut him off, "You CAN NOT call me that anymore, Dimitri." I felt tears begin to slide down my cheeks, and I wiped them away angrily. "I can't stop you from staying here because I wouldn't do that to your family, but let me get one thing straight. I DO NOT need you. I can take care of myself and I can take care of Mason. If you want to be a part of his life then fine, but don't think for one minute you will ever be part of mine again."

I was literally shaking with anger and there were now tears streaming down my face. I noticed Olena looking at me worriedly and Vika was whispering something to me, but I couldn't hear it. I was so angry and hurt that he would even come here that I could literally see red and I could tell I was beginning to hyperventilate.

Dimitri opened his mouth to say something, but Adrian shot him a look and began pulling me back towards my room. "Come on little dhampir, you need to calm down and relax before you faint again. Vika go get her some of Olena's bread and some hot chocolate and bring it to her room."

Viktoria nodded and went off towards the kitchen. Olena wrapped an arm around me to go get some rest and then I let Adrian lead me away without once looking back at Dimitri.

Adrian led me towards the bed and sat down before pulling me beside him and wrapping his arms around me. "It's okay, little dhampir. It will all be okay."

A few minutes later Viktoria came into the room and handed me a slice of black bread loaded down with butter just the way I liked it and a cup of hot chocolate. My stomach growled and I inhaled the bread before sipping my hot chocolate.

"I'm so sorry, Rose." Adrian said and his voice was full of pain.

I looked up at him shocked, "What are you sorry for? This isn't your fault."

"But he found out where you were because I was careless, I should have protected you better."

I sighed, "There was no reason for you to think that they would search your room, I mean if they had been caught they both would have been in a lot of trouble for it. Plus, it only sped up the inevitable. I was going to have to face him before I gave birth to Mason anyway. At least now it's here with everyone who loves me around me."

Vika squeezed my hand, "We do love you Rose, and we would do anything to help you. If you want me to I can see if he will stay with Mark and Oksana."

I was silent for a minute. I would do anything to not have him here. It was painful and just thinking about him being downstairs with Olena right now made me want to cry again, but at the same time I couldn't bring that pain to his family. Only a few months ago they had believed him to be dead and before that he hadn't been here in years. He had missed them as much as they had missed him and I knew that having him here meant a lot to all of them. Even though they said that I was as much a part of the family as he is, I couldn't bring myself to do that to them.

"No, I want you guys to have time with him. I want you to make up for all the time that you've missed out on. I will be okay. I have to learn to live with him and not be with him. I might as well start now."

Vika smiled a little sadly, but I could tell by her eyes that she was excited about being able to spend time with her older brother and it made me feel better about the decision I had made. At least someone would be happy about him being here.

Adrian took my empty cup as I yawned and he stood up with Viktoria. "I promised you and I would spend tomorrow together and we will. So get some rest little dhampir. You're spending tomorrow with your big brother."

I laughed at his words. It was nice to think of him as a big brother now that I knew he had finally gotten over his romantic feelings for me. I stood up and gave them both a hug before the walked out the door.

I quickly changed into my pajamas and crawled under the covers. I was emotionally exhausted and I felt drained from my confrontation with Dimitri. Just knowing he was here in this house made my heart hurt and it felt as if it was trying to tell me to go to him, but then my brain reminded me that he didn't love me anymore and it felt as if my heart was breaking all over again.

_Dimitri's POV_

Her words kept echoing in my head. She doesn't need me anymore. She doesn't want me in her life. What had I done? Had I really made things so bad that there was no way to fix them? I could still see her eyes from when she was screaming at me. They looked so unlike my Roza's eyes. They were full of pain and almost empty. It was almost as if she wasn't really there anymore, and that hurt me even more, because I knew that it was completely my fault.

I felt momma's arm around my shoulder and I felt her lead me to the table. I sat in one of the chairs while she made me some hot chocolate. It was momma's answer to everything. Whenever we had a problem as children she would always make us hot chocolate and force us to tell her what was wrong, but how could I tell her what I had done? That I had pushed away the most important part of my life all to punish myself and in the process I had only hurt her more and more. Momma had raised me better than that.

She sat the cup of hot chocolate down in front of me and took my hand. "How are you, Dimka?"

I couldn't look at her. I knew she was disappointed in me. I just stared at the four little marshmallows floating around on the top of my cup. "I really messed up, Momma. I'm not sure if I can fix this anymore."

She placed her finger under my chin and forced me to look at her, "Do you love her, Dimka?"

I sighed, "I love her more than anything. I would give my life to make her happy. She's the air I breathe and my reason for living, but I've hurt her so much. It seems like that's all I've ever done to her. I just keep hurting her more and more."

Momma nodded, "Yes, I can't argue with you on that. You have hurt her, and you hurt her deeply." She closed her eyes for a second as if she was remembering something, "She was so broken when she came to us the first time, when you had been turned and she was hunting you. We didn't know that at the time and we had funeral for you. It was so obvious how much she loved you when she told us about the fight at St. Vladimir's. She was in so much pain Dimitri, I wasn't sure she would be able to get on with her life without you."

She paused as if she was trying to think of how to say what she wanted to tell me next. "But when she showed up this time it was worse. She was just a shell for the longest time. When she got here all she did was cry. It took weeks for her to make it a whole day without breaking down, but she's been getting a little better." She seemed to think about her words, "Well, I guess I could say she's been a little less miserable, because she's still hurting and still in pain. I think it's hard for her to be here with us. Everything here reminds her of you, but at the same time I think she likes that. I think she needs you, Dimka and this was the only way she could feel close to you."

I lost it. I know grown men are not supposed to cry, but I felt as if my heart was being torn from my chest. "I've ruined everything, haven't I?"

She wiped some of my tears away and handed me a tissue, "Why did you do it, Dimka? I want to hear it from you."

I took a deep breath trying to control myself, "Did she tell you everything?"

Momma nodded, "Yes, but I want to hear what you have to say. I know Roza wouldn't lie to us, but I want to know what you were feeling and what you were thinking."

"When I was strigoi, I did horrible things. I fed off people. I killed people. But the worst thing I did was to her. I took her hostage and I forced her to be my blood whore. I almost killed her, Momma. I almost turned her into a monster like me, but she's so strong. She doesn't understand how strong she is, I love that about her." I closed my eyes trying to keep from thinking about my Roza broken and trying to take her own life on the bridge. "She managed to escape and I don't know what she did from there but I know she found a way to make the impossible happen. She saved me and gave me life again."

"Then why did you push her away? Why did you hurt her again?"

"She forgave me. At first I couldn't understand it. I couldn't figure out how she could stand to look at me and not remember me feeding off of her, or trying to kill her. I thought she was just trying to make me feel better and so I tried to give her the easy way out. At first I pushed her away because I thought it was what she wanted." I sighed, "But no matter how hard I pushed she just kept coming back and she kept telling me she loved me and that she didn't think anything I had done was my fault. She kept telling me there was nothing to forgive. It was then that I realized that she really did still love me. She still wanted me and I couldn't understand that."

"I didn't realize why I said those horrible things to her that night I slept with her, until Adrian came to bring me the letter from Rose telling me she was pregnant." I frowned, "It was actually Adrian who pointed it out to me. He told me I needed to stop pretending like I was trying to help Rose by keeping her away from me and trying to get her to move on. He told me I was only punishing myself because I couldn't forgive myself, and he was right. I can't forgive myself for what I did to her, and I just keep doing more things that cause her more pain. But now I realize that I can't live without her, I don't know how I even managed it this long."

Momma sighed, "She can't live without you either, but you've hurt her badly. I wish I could say this would be easy for you to get her back, but it won't. She's not going to let you in easily and she's going to fight you every step of the way. She's been hurt by you too many times and you're going to have to prove to her that you love her and that you aren't going anywhere. I don't know how long it will take, but you can't give up. She will never be herself again if you aren't with her. Neither of you will be, I've never seen two people that were so obviously made for one another."

I felt a small flame of hope light in my chest, "You really think I have a chance, Momma?"

She smiled, "Yes, baby. But if you hurt her one more time I will kill you myself. That poor girl went to hell and back to bring you back to me and she deserves her happily ever after. You're the only one that can give her that."

We sat there in silence for a while. I wasn't sure what momma was thinking about, but I was trying to find a way to win back my Roza. I had no idea how to do it, but I knew I had to. Momma was right, Roza deserves her happily ever after and I'm going to do my best to give it to her. Then I will spend the rest of my life making sure she's the happiest woman on Earth.


	12. Chapter 11

**Thanks everyone for all the awesome reviews! I'm glad you're all enjoying the story, and I hope to have it wrapped up within the next week or two, but no guarantees since I have final exams coming up! Keep reviewing, it helps keep me motivated and chapters come faster! :)**

**Chapter 11**

When I woke up it was still dark outside and I could see the first rays of light peeking over the horizon. My head was a mess and my emotions were all over the place. I sighed and quickly got dressed into my jogging shorts and a tank top. I needed to clear my head and get control of myself and the only way I knew how was exercise.

I strapped my stake to a small holder at my waist since it was technically still dark enough outside for the possibility of a Strigoi attack and then shoved my headphones into my ears as I walked out the door. It was a cool morning and I probably should have grabbed a light jacket, but I didn't want to risk going back into the house on a chance that Dimitri might be awake. Plus I know I'd be warm enough once I started moving.

What was I going to do now that Dimitri was here? I wanted to run away again, but I had nowhere else to go. Plus, I had to face him sooner or later. Whether I liked it or not, Dimitri was always going to be a part of my life now that I had Mason. My heart throbbed at the idea of being near him and not being with him, but there wasn't much I could do about that. He didn't love me and I wasn't settling for anything less.

I jogged for a little over an hour until my back started to ache from the awkward weight of Mason on my stomach, and the rumbling of my stomach forced me to head home for some food.

I was walking up the front steps when I heard his accented voice to my left. "Is it safe for you to run when you're this pregnant?"

I felt a surge of frustration run through me, "Why would I do anything to hurt myself or Mason. Of course it's fine."

He sighed in equal frustration, "I just want to be sure he's safe, Roza."

I literally growled at him. Apparently he doesn't know not to piss off a hormonal pregnant woman who is already a hot head. "I told you not to call me that anymore, Dimitri. You lost all rights to that name months ago. Mason is the only reason I've even held myself together and I would never do anything to harm him."

He reached towards me as if he was going to try and comfort me but I jerked away. He frowned, "We need to talk. We can't stay like this forever, Rose. I need to explain why I did what I did."

"There's nothing to explain. I think that you were pretty clear. You can't love anyone anymore and you don't love me." I took a deep breath and tried not to think about the hole in my heart that he had left behind. "That's fine, you don't have to love me but if you're planning on sticking around you better love him. If you leave him like you left me then I guarantee there isn't a safe place you can hide from me."

"I'm not going to leave either of you ever again, Roz—Rose." He looked at me and his guardian mask was completely gone. I could see sadness and hurt as well as something I couldn't quite put my finger on. "Please, just let me explain."

His eyes looked so sad that it was hard for me to look away from them. I felt the walls I had so carefully placed around my heart begin to crumble; I couldn't ignore the pain I saw in him even if my brain was telling me to run the other direction and never look back.

I was just about to agree to listen to him when Lissa ran up the front steps and almost knocked me over. My eyes flew from Dimitri to look at her and I felt relieved. What had I been about to do? He doesn't love me, and I can't let him keep pulling me back every time I begin to feel alright on my own.

Lissa looked at me and I could see the relief in her face and feel her relief, sadness, and anxiety through the bond. It was odd to be feeling her emotions, I'd been so careful lately to completely block it off that it almost felt alien to me.

Her eyes looked me over as if she was trying to figure out if I was alive and then they froze and widened as she noticed my baby bump. "Are you pregnant?"

I laughed, but it sounded almost sarcastic. "No, I just like carrying basketballs under my shirt while I go for a run."

She blushed as if she realized that she'd just said something completely obvious, "I'm sorry. " She sighed, "Can we go somewhere and talk? I'll buy you breakfast if you want."

As if on cue my stomach rumbled loudly. What can I say, I'm pregnant and I love food. I looked between her and Dimitri. It was obvious that I couldn't avoid both of them. So I went with the easier option, "Sure, Liss. There's a cute diner around the corner. Dimitri, tell Adrian I'll be back in a couple of hours to go out with him."

I saw a flash of jealousy cross through his eyes as I mentioned Adrian. Apparently no one had informed him of his sister's newest relationship yet, and I wasn't going to be the one to let that cat out of the bag. I wasn't entirely sure how Dimitri would react to that information.

I led her to the diner and we took a seat in one of the red and white booths. The waitress was the same one I'd had the past few times I'd been here and she knew my order. I just told her the usual and Lissa just ordered a cup of hot chocolate.

We sat in an awkward silence for a while. I refused to start any kind of conversation with her. After all it was her fault we were here in the first place and if she wanted to say something to me she was going to have to do it without my help.

The waitress returned and handed Lissa her hot chocolate and me my orange juice before walking away again.

Lissa finally broke the silence, "I'm sorry, Rose. For so many things. I'm sorry for not realizing how much pain you must be in and not being there for you when you needed me. I'm sorry that I chose Dimitri over you and I'm sorry about how we came to find you. But I couldn't stand to not be there for you anymore. I know I don't deserve to be here, and I'll understand if you want me to leave."

I looked out the window of the diner and stared at the cars as they drove past, "But I don't understand why you did any of it Liss. Why did you choose him over me? Why did you not even notice I was gone until Dimitri told you?"

"It's silly now. I didn't even realize at the time why I was doing it. It wasn't until Adrian and Christian pointed out how stupid I was that I even thought about what I had been doing." She sighed, "I was jealous."

I looked back at her shocked, "What in the world did you have to be jealous of?"

"You have always been my rock, Rose. You took care of me for the two years we were away from the academy and for everything after it. It's always been you and me against the world. Until you found Dimitri. Once I realized that you loved him it was so obvious, and then you decided to go after him to free his soul and I realized that I wasn't the most important person in your life anymore. So when I changed him back to a dhampir I thought that if I kept him close you would always stay with me. I never really realized that by doing that I was actually keeping you away."

I frowned, "But that's not fair Liss. You have Christian, and I know that he's the most important person in your life. Do you not want me to be happy? Do I not deserve to have someone to love other than you?"

She flinched at my words, "I know. And I do want you to be happy, I want you to be loved and I want you to have people in your life other than me, but I think I was afraid. I was afraid that once Dimitri was back that you'd choose him over me again and you would leave. I just wanted us to always be together just like we'd always talked about."

"I would never leave you, Lissa. You're my best friend and while I may choose myself every once in a while. I would have always been there for you. I would have been your guardian if they'd allowed it, but we all know how like that is to happen. Especially now."

Lissa nodded, "I've really messed things up haven't I? Will we ever be as close as we were before?"

I looked back out the window. Could I be close to Lissa again? Obviously this bond made it impossible for me not to be, but could I let her back into my life after being so hurt by her? It was true that she hadn't done it intentionally, but the pain was still there. "I don't know, Liss. We'll just have to see."

She smiled at me sadly, "I guess I understand that."

The waitress arrived at that moment with my food and I heard Lissa laugh. "Seriously? Pancakes, waffles, eggs, toast, bacon, and sausage? Is there anything you didn't order?"

I laughed with her, "I'm eating for two now, and you know how much I love food. I think Mason loves it just as much as me, because I swear I eat twice as much as I used to."

Her eyes looked down towards my stomach again as if she was just remembering I was pregnant, "It's a boy?"

I smiled, "Yes, Mason Adrian."

She smiled slightly; I knew she was thinking about Mason's namesake. It was hard not to sometimes, but I knew he would've been excited to know I was naming my child after him if he was here with us.

She looked back up at my face, "Is Adrian his dad?"

I stopped eating and looked down at my plates. "No."

I felt confusion through the bond as she tried to figure out who the baby's father could be, and then slowly I felt her shock and amazement as she worked it out in her head. "Dimitri?"

I nodded.

"How is it possible?"

I sighed and slowly began eating again, "Adrian thinks it's because I'm shadow kissed and Dimitri was bought back from being Strigoi. Neither one of us are normal and somehow he thinks you managed to heal our infertility when saving us."

She nodded, "That makes sense. Does he know?"

I nodded again.

"How does he feel about it?"

I frowned, "We haven't really talked about it yet. He barged in last night and I passed out. He said he wanted to be here for Mason, and I think he's excited about having a child. He always wanted a family and I guess at least he's getting part of one."

"He loves you, you know." She picked at my bacon as she talked, "He tried to hide it for so long and he tried to push you away, but I can see it in his eyes when he talks about you."

I shook my head, "No he doesn't. He's told me a thousand times, and he made it clear last night that he was here for Mason and not me."

She raised an eyebrow at me, "I thought you didn't have a chance to talk to him?"

I sighed, "I didn't really, but he said he was here for Mason and to be part of his life."

"Did he specifically say he didn't want anything to do with you?"

"No." I stabbed my eggs and refused to look at her, "But it wouldn't matter. I can't do it again. I wouldn't live through it if he walked out on me a third time."

She was silent for a minute, "But what if he didn't? Are you willing to shut that door forever if there's a chance to be really happy with him?"

Was I? I couldn't answer that question. My heart was constantly screaming for Dimitri to be with me, but at the same time it bled for all the pain he had caused me. I wasn't sure that even if Dimitri walked up to me and told me he really did love me that I could just walk back to him. I wasn't the same anymore. I was somewhat broken and while he was the part of my soul that could heal me, he was also the part that had broken me.

So instead of answering her I just said, "It doesn't matter. He made his choice, and he doesn't love me anymore."

I think she realized from my tone that I wasn't in the mood to talk anymore and we sat in silence while I finished my breakfast and paid before returning to the Belikov's house.


	13. Chapter 12

**Thanks for all the encouragement and notes guys! I'm sorry this chapter has taken so long, but I had finals right before Christmas and then spent a week in Disney World! I hope everyone had a great Christmas and will have a Happy New Year! Please R & R!**

**Chapter 12**

"You can't avoid him forever."

I sighed and looked up from my hot chocolate to see Adrian looking over at me. "I know, but I don't know what there is to say. He made it clear he's here for Mason and I don't need him to apologize to me out of some sense of duty to his child."

Adrian sighed, "You don't know what he's going to say and you don't know what his motivations are. Yes, I'll admit he probably is motivated by his duty to Mason, but there could be more to it than that. Don't you think that you owe it to Mason to at least hear him out?"

I frowned, "No. I owe it to Mason to keep myself together for him. I can't let Dimitri break me again, I don't know if I could survive that. It's not just me anymore. I have to focus on what's best for Mason."

I heard Adrian growl in frustration. This was a conversation we'd been having for the past three days. He thought I should at least hear out what Dimitri wanted to say and I thought that I would be better off avoiding him like the plague. I'd barely been in the house since he arrived and had spent most of my time at Lissa's hotel room.

My friendship with Lissa had been repaired to an extent. We talked and we were friends, but that closeness that came with being best friends was gone. I still loved her like a sister, but her betrayal and lack of concern for me when I really needed it had taken away the bond that made us best friends. She had left this morning to return home for Christmas with Christian and it was almost bittersweet to realize that we would probably never be as close as we once were.

However, Adrian had taken her spot as my best friend and I had to admit that he understood me in a way Lissa never had. Adrian could understand what I was thinking half the time and knew how to stand up to me when I was being stupid. The only person that knew me better was Dimitri himself, and I didn't even know if that still held true.

"You don't think that Mason deserves to have a happy mother and father? You can't be constantly avoiding him because you'll be spending the next 18 years at least working together to raise Mase. Even if you're not together you need to find a way to at least be friendly to each other for his sake, and that means sitting down and having a long conversation." Adrian's voice interrupted my thoughts.

I sighed, "I understand what you're saying, but it's hard for me to let him anywhere near me again. I feel so broken when he's around, and I'm tired of feeling that way. I just wish I could get over him."

"Maybe there's a reason you can't." Adrian said mysteriously, "Just talk to him."

He stood up and walked back up the stairs no doubt to find Viktoria. It was Christmas Eve and all Belikov's were wrapping last minute Christmas presents and getting ready for their traditional Christmas dinner. I could already smell the heavenly smells wafting out of the kitchen indicating that Olena was indeed making something that was sure to be delicious.

It was oddly quiet downstairs. This house was always so full of life that the quietness seemed to be stifling and I was just about to go upstairs to find something to distract me when Paul came stomping through the back door.

"Auntie Rose would you like to play Strigoi with me?" He asked.

I smiled and nodded. It was one our favorite games to play together; I would stomp around the yard pretending to be Strigoi while he would follow me around with a fake stake and try to stake me. When I'd first arrived he'd rarely caught up with me to stake me unless I decided to let him win, but now that I was officially at the waddling stage of my pregnancy it wasn't as easy to move fast through the yard and he tended to catch up a lot faster.

"Of course!" I agreed and threw on my coat and scarf before following him out into the back yard.

We ran and played around the back yard for over an hour and it made me feel much better than I had it days. I hadn't had a chance to jog since the day Lissa arrived and the exercise helped me to feel more like myself.

It was just as we were getting ready to go back into the house that I felt that familiar tingle on the back of my neck. It was the feeling I always got when Dimitri was near me. I looked towards the house and saw him in the second story window that was Paul's room where he'd been staying since I had taken over his before he arrived.

From the looks of it he had been watching us play for a while and I saw some emotion on his face that I couldn't recognize and also a hint of regret. It was one of those moments where I wished I could tell what he was thinking but before I could get a really good look at his face he moved out of the window and Paul was pulling me back into the house.

Olena was just sitting a huge ham on the table when we walked in, "Oh good, you children go wash up and Paul you can get the others."

Paul nodded happily and ran upstairs to get everyone for dinner. I hung my coat back in the closet with my scarf and then followed Olena back into the kitchen to wash my hands.

We just finished putting all the food on the table when everyone began to take their seats. I sat at my normal seat between Adrian and Paul and quietly ate my dinner. It was strangely comfortable to be sitting with all of them as the bantered back and forth across the table. Half the time they spoke in Russian without realizing it and I enjoyed seeing how close they all were, it was times like this when I really felt like an outsider here.

As if she knew what I was thinking, Yeva looked over from her seat next to Paul and whispered in my ear, "Don't you think that dear. You're just as much a part of this family as I am. We love you and we wouldn't want to spend Christmas without you."

I smiled at her and relaxed a little bit. I spent the rest of the dinner listening to them talk about previous years as well as some of Dimitri's stories about fights he had been in since he last saw them. It was odd to watch him tell stories about fights that I had been in or had heard of already. I always had this vision of him being slightly larger than life, and when he spoke of injuries or talked about the time he had been turned it made me realize that he was really only human. It actually made me love him more when he admitted his mistakes even if it was only in a joking manner.

After dinner we all went into the living room and opened out presents. The Belikov's had a standing tradition that all gifts must be handmade instead of being bought, and I received a quilt for Mason that had been made out of some of Dimitri and Paul's old clothing and blankets. It was beautiful and all of the Belikov women had helped in creating it.

After opening gifts it was still early, but I still felt awkward being in the middle of the celebration. It felt as if by my being there Dimitri wasn't able to fully enjoy being with his family, so I made excuses of being exhausted and made my way to bed earlier than normal. I could tell that Yeva knew what I was doing, but she didn't call me on it this time.

I quickly changed into my red plaid pajamas and one of Dimitri's old shirts I had found in his closet and crawled into bed. While I probably could have stayed awake for a few more hours, I was pregnant and it seemed as if I could never get enough sleep so five minutes after hitting the pillow I was dreaming about Dimitri chasing a small toddler around an open meadow with me standing on the porch of a house watching them play. It was one of my favorite dreams because I could forget myself and just think for a little while that we truly were a family.

I awoke just after 2:00 AM. It was a new habit of mine that I just couldn't seem to break out of. I guess my mind and body just missed being awake at night. I sighed to myself and grabbed a robe from the hanger over my door and walked downstairs.

The house was quiet so I walked into the kitchen and made my nightly cup of hot chocolate (two packets of course) and grabbed the throw from the back of the couch before making my way out to the back porch.

_**Dimitri's POV**_

The whole day had been odd for me. I felt like a stranger in my own home. My family had shown that while they all clearly still love me, they did not approve of the way I had treated my Roza. I couldn't really argue with that. I knew that my behavior with her had been monumentally bad and I was glad that they had accepted her enough to feel as if they needed to protect her.

After we had opened presents she had gone to bed and it had felt wrong without her there. It was strange to me to think that I couldn't stand being away from her when I had no right to be near her and it was my own fault.

I was still lying awake on the floor of Paul's room when I heard her get up and go downstairs. It was a habit of hers to get up in the middle of the night and sip hot chocolate on the back porch. I'd watched her without her knowledge from the living room several times, but I'd always left her alone. It seemed as if this time was when she allowed herself to stop pretending to be happy and instead be herself.

I silently got up off the floor and threw on a shirt before heading downstairs. Roza had been avoiding me for days and while I normally would leave her alone and let her have her space at night, I couldn't any longer. I needed to talk to her. I had to make her understand that I loved her.

I made my way down the stairs and through the living room before slipping out of the back door. She was sitting in one of the old rocking chairs that my grandmother loved and she looked breathtaking. Her brown hair was slightly messy from sleeping and I could tell that she was wearing one of my old t-shirts from when I was younger. For some reason the thought of her wearing my clothes warmed my heart and at the same time made it ache for what I might have lost forever.

I watched her for I don't know how long before I heard her speak, "What are you doing out here, Dimitri?"

I sighed and walked over the rocking chair next to hers. "We need to talk and you're avoiding me."

She put her hand absentmindedly on her stomach and started rubbing small circles as if she was trying to soothe either herself or Mason. "I don't know what there is to talk about. I think you've made yourself perfectly clear."

"How have I done that? You won't even talk to me, Roza."

She closed her eyes as if she was in pain and I cursed myself for causing it. "The first night you were here you said everything I needed to hear. You're here for Mason. I understand that and I won't stop you from being in his life."

I frowned and I was briefly confused about what was causing her so much pain about that. Of course I would be here for my son, but that wasn't truly why I was here. "I am here for Mason, but I'm here for you too."

She laughed sarcastically, "Why are you here for me, Dimitri? So that you can hurt me some more? Or so that you can break me again? There's nothing left of me anymore."

She finally looked at me and I could see the pain in her eyes. I could see all the pain I had put her through and the walls that she had put up for herself. "I'm so sorry, Roza. I – "

She interrupted me, "Sorry for what Dimitri? Sorry for pushing me away when I saved you? Sorry for loving me in the first place? Or sorry for having sex with me and walking out in the middle of the night?"

"I'm sorry that I pushed you away when I was saved, but at the time I couldn't love you. I couldn't feel anything but guilt and pain over what I had done to not only you but to other innocent victims. At the time I was consumed by it and it took a while for me to even feel another emotion."

She frowned, "I knew that. I knew why you were pushing me away and I knew that you still loved me, but every time you pushed a little piece of me died." Her eyes closed as if she was trying to forget all the pain I had caused. "Was that what you were doing when you slept with me? Were you just trying to see how far you could push before I broke?"

I ran my hand through my hair in frustration, "Of course not, Roza! I have no excuse for that night. I saw you with Adrian and I couldn't control my jealousy. When I went to your room I kept telling myself that I was just there to make sure you were happy and then I would leave, but when you walked around that corner I couldn't control myself."

I took a breath and continued, "You were so beautiful and I'd been trying to stay away from you so that you would have a chance to be with someone who wasn't broken and hadn't killed innocent people o tortured you. I wanted you to have a chance to be happy."

She laughed again and the sound was filled with pain. "I couldn't be happy without you."

"But you would be so much better off without me in your life." I said. "It was the hardest thing I've ever done when I walked out of your room that night. Saying those words that I knew weren't true, but that I thought would make you hate me enough to go back to Adrian."

She was silent for a few minutes before finally saying, "You can't force someone to move on and you can't force me to love anyone I don't love."

I sighed, "I know that now, and I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am. I wish there was a way that I could take it all back and go back to the day that Lissa saved me so that I could run into your arms and we could begin our life together. I love you, Roza. If you'd let me I'd spend the rest of my days proving it to you."

A tear feel from her eyes and she began to cry silently. I felt my heart breaking at the pain that I had caused her all over again. My Roza never cried and seeing her like this only made me realize how unworthy of her I really was, but I couldn't live without her and I knew that I had to find a way to make this right again.

"You can't make all the decisions for me. You can't push me away when you think its best and then try to pull me back because you've decided you want me again. You can't lie to me in an effort to try to protect me or save me. I deserve better than that." She stood up and began walking back towards the house and I barely heard her whisper, "Sometimes love isn't enough."


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

_**Dimitri's POV**_

I made my way back to Paul's room an hour later where I tossed and turned for another hour or two before finally drifting into a restless sleep. I kept dreaming about my Roza walking out on me with only the last words she had spoken. _Sometimes love isn't enough. _

It couldn't be true could it? She wouldn't give up after everything that we had been through and survived would she? In my dreams I stumbled around looking for her as she disappeared into thin air but I could never find her. I'd awakened with my heart racing and my body covered in sweat.

I wasn't completely sure what she had meant by those words when she had spoken them and walked away from me. What did she want me to prove? I was lost and I wasn't sure where to go from here. I couldn't give up because I now knew that my life without her was pointless, but I also knew that I was the one that had broken what we had. I just had no idea how to fix the problem. If I was completely honest with myself I was still a little confused about what the problem really was.

After I'd finally woken up to the bright sunshine and realized I'd slept later than I'd slept in a while, I made my way downstairs only to find the house completely quiet and empty. I knew that Mama and Viktoria had plans to go shopping for some things Vika needed to return to school for her last semester in a few days, but I had no idea where everyone else was.

I made myself some coffee and grabbed a piece of black bread before sitting down at the table. I'd only been sitting there for a few minutes when I heard the front door open and heard the unmistakable sound of Roza's laughter. The sound made my heart skip a beat for a second and I briefly wondered if I'd ever be able to make her laugh again or if we'd forever be awkward friends only because we had a child we shared together.

She came around the corner into the kitchen holding something in her hand with Adrian right behind her. There was a huge smile on her face and it was nice to see her happy, but as soon as her eyes landed on me the smile fell and she stopped in her tracks.

Adrian almost ran into her but managed to step aside at the last second making a confused sound. "What's wrong, Rose?" He looked to see what she was looking at and his eyes fell on me. For a brief second I thought I might have seen a look of pity cross though his eyes. "Why don't you show him the picture?"

She frowned a little bit as if she wasn't sure she wanted to do what he was asking before she made a resigned sigh and handing me the paper. Then she moved her hand back to her stomach as if she was trying to reassure herself or Mason. "We just got back from his ultrasound, the doctor said this would probably be the last one before he's born unless we have some kind of complication."

I looked at the piece of paper only to realize it wasn't paper but actually a folded up strip of paper that had five different ultrasound pictures of Mason. It felt unreal to see the picture of him with his little thumb stuck in his mouth and I suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of jealously towards Adrian. It should have been me that was with her this morning at the doctor's office. I should have been the one holding her hand as the doctor examined her. It should have been me that watched the wand move over her stomach and see the pictures of our baby up on the screen.

Then there was that tiny voice in the back of my mind that was reminding me that this was entirely my fault. It was my fault I wasn't with her and it was my fault I might never get the chance to be with her again. I pushed the irrational jealousy away because I knew that Adrian had no feelings for her in that way, and while I knew that I had been a complete asshole to her I was also pretty sure that she loved me the same way I loved her.

"Is everything okay? There weren't any problems were there?" I asked.

Her frown disappeared and there was a slight smile on her face. I wasn't sure if it was from the reminder of Mason or the fact that I was worried for their health. "Yes, everything is fine. The doctor said I have a textbook pregnancy probably because I'm so active and in good health."

She let out a huge yawn and Adrian looked at her worried, "You woke up pretty early and we've had a busy morning, why don't you go ahead and go take a nap? That way we can spend some time together later tonight. I've only have a few more days before I have to return to court."

She smiled and nodded before turning to me, "You can show those to everyone when they get home. I know they'll be impatient to see them."

I nodded and she went quietly up the stairs.

Adrian stood silently beside me for a minute before finally sighing and sinking down into the chair next to me. "What happened last night?"

"What makes you think something happened last night?"

He raised an eye brow at me, "Well, you look like you're pissed at the world and Rose has been closed off all morning."

I frowned, "We talked."

"Obviously." He muttered sarcastically.

"I apologized for my behavior, and I told her I loved her." I looked down at my coffee, "But she said that love wasn't enough."

It was silent for a few minutes as he tried to get his thoughts together before he finally asked, "What are you going to do about it?"

I laughed, "I have no idea. I don't even know that I understand what she wants from me or what she means when she says that it's not enough."

"Considering how in sync the two of you are most of the time, you're being incredibly stupid." He paused. "She dropped out of school for you and spent months chasing you down before finally finding a way to bring you back. She trusted you and would have given her life to end your suffering, but when you came back you didn't want her anymore and you pushed her away. She doesn't trust you anymore."

I sighed, "How can she not trust me. She should know I would do anything for her, that I would never let anything happen to her."

Adrian laughed, "She knows that physically you would always take care of her and I don't think there's probably anyone else she trusts more when fighting, but that's not the kind of trust she needs to have in you. She's not going to open up and let you back into her life without knowing she can trust you with her heart."

"How in the world do I prove that to her?" I questioned.

Adrian stood up and began to walk towards the stairs, "You have to figure that out on your own, but I'd start by finding a way to prove to her that you aren't going to leave her again. That's one of her greatest fears."

He disappeared up the staircase and left me to wonder about how I could possibly find a way to prove to my Roza that I would never leave her again. I couldn't leave her again. Now that I had admitted to myself that I couldn't live without her I couldn't slip back into trying to push her away again. I didn't have the strength to do it anymore.

I felt like a teenage boy who was asking out a girl for the first time. Obviously I wasn't asking Roza out for the first time, but it felt as if I had to prove myself all over again and I had absolutely no idea how to do it. I'd never been one of those guys who aimlessly pursued women just for casual relationships. I had always felt more an obligation to my training and to protecting Ivan to ever let myself relax that way. At least until I met Roza. Roza broke every rule I'd ever had for myself. I was powerless against her from the first moment I saw her.

I remember watching her from the trees as she allowed Vasilisa to drink from her the first night we met. Then when she tried to fight us off in even though she knew that she was too weak to beat us I'd realized that she held the same fierce loyalty for her friend as I'd had for Ivan. She had intrigued me in a way that no other woman ever had. While she was breathtakingly beautiful with her exotic features, it was her loyalty towards her friends and her duties that had eventually led me to fall in love with her.

My heart broke a little more as I realized that I had failed to have that same loyalty towards her. Roza had been loyal to me above everything else by at first trying to free me from my state and then finding a way to save me. Then I had not chosen her, but instead Vasilisa to be my savior. I had pushed and pushed until I broke the trust she had in me to always stick by her.

I knew I had to fix this, but I wasn't sure how. So I would have to do the only thing I could and hope that she could see that I didn't plan on ever leaving her again. Somehow I would have to win back her trust, and I would spend the rest of my life proving to her that it was worth the second chance.

_**Rose's POV**_

I left Adrian and Dimitri downstairs and made my way to my room. I quickly changed from my navy sweater dress into a t-shirt and climbed into bed. My body was exhausted from lack of sleep since I'd been unable to quiet my thoughts after speaking to Dimitri last night and had only managed to fall asleep an hour before having to get up for my doctor's appointment.

I felt slightly guilty about not asking Dimitri to go with me instead of taking Adrian, but while I had briefly considered it I knew that I couldn't be alone with him again so soon after our conversation. Last night I had almost lost my strength. I had wanted nothing more than to climb into his arms and stay there forever, but I couldn't do that. I had promised myself and Mason that I would be strong, and if he walked out on me again I wouldn't survive it.

I closed my eyes and let my guard down. I couldn't trust him to stay with me in reality, but when I fell asleep I slipped into dreams of what our life could have been like. In my dream I watched as a small toddler played with blocks on the floor while a sat on the couch watching with Dimitri's arms wrapped around me and I finally felt like I was home.


	15. Chapter 14

_**A/N: Sorry this is so late guys! I've been busy with a new semester of school and a stomach bug that seems to be making it through my family (sick toddlers are no fun!). 5 days till Indigo Spell (and just so you know I am a hard core Sydney/Adrian fan it just didn't work with this story!)R&R the more reviews the faster the new chapters come out! :)**_

**Chapter 14**

_**A month later**_

"How long are you planning on keeping this up?" Adrian asked.

We were currently sitting on some white sand staring out at the most beautiful ocean I had ever seen. I was wearing a sparkling silver bikini that showed off my ever expanding stomach. When I had first been pulled into this particular spirit dream I'd been infuriated because I felt like a beached whale, but Adrian had only laughed and said I had no fat on me and I just looked like I'd eaten a beach ball for lunch. In some odd way that had made me feel a lot better and I'd relaxed enough to let the sound of the waves sooth me.

I sighed as I looked out over the water, "I'm terrified."

For the last few weeks I had done anything in my power to push Dimitri away. I had ignored him. I had been rude to him. I had even stooped to flirting with one of Vika's friends when he had come to help Olena and Dimitri repair a plumbing problem in the house. But none of it had truly been conscious thought it was if I was unconsciously testing him to see if he would stay. I didn't want Dimitri to leave and the thought terrified me beyond belief.

Adrian sat down near my feet and began to massage them gently. "What are you terrified of, little dhampir?"

I closed my eyes and almost let out a moan and how good it felt to have him massaging my feet. My ankles had started swelling last week and I hadn't been able to really reach my feet for a few weeks now. "I'm terrified that he will leave again or that he will remember what made me not good enough to fight for in the beginning."

"Why do you think you're not worth fighting for?" He moved my face so that he could look me in the eyes, "Rose, you're an amazing woman who is the most loyal person I know. You try to pretend like people don't matter to you but when you let someone in it's for life. You put yourself before everyone else and you would do anything to protect Lissa, Christian, Eddie, me, and even Dimitri. You moved heaven and earth and refused to believe it was impossible just to give Dimitri a second chance. We would all fight for you even Dimitri. It may have taken him a while to figure it out, and he may have done some shitty things along the way, but that's what he's doing right now. He's fighting for you. He's taking everything that you throw at him and refusing to let you push him away."

I felt the tears welling in my eyes and tried desperately to blink them away. "I'm so angry at him, Adrian. It's stupid and I know it's ridiculous but I went through hell thinking I'd have to live without him and then finally getting him back. But he pushed me away. He never gave me a choice to make my own decision about what I wanted. I know he thought that he wasn't worthy of me because of what he did to me while he was a Strigoi, but shouldn't that have been my choice? I'm not a child."

Adrian sighed, "I know you're not, and I know what he did was wrong. But do you want to spend the rest of your life miserable when you have a chance to be happy? I'm not saying it's going to be all hearts and flowers to start off with. Obviously he needs to get over the whole mentor/teacher thing and realize that you're equals now and he can't make decisions for you anymore, but you can both work on that together."

I closed my eyes and laid back into the sand and whispered, "What if he leaves again?"

"I can't promise you that won't happen, but do you really think that if he hasn't left after the way you've been treating him for the past few weeks that he would really ever leave again?" He paused. "Just look at him in the eyes, Rose. I can see it in his aura, but you can also see the pain in his eyes. That man loves you more than anything and the thought of living without you is killing him."

"I still don't trust him."

"I know you don't, and honestly I think that's normal. It's something he will have to earn again, but you just need to decide if you're willing to let him try. If you're willing to give yourself the chance of being happy again."

It was silent for a few minutes as he let me think about what he had said. "Okay. I'll give it some thought, but I don't make any promises."

He chuckled, "That's all I ask. I just want you to be happy, and sometimes I wish that it could have been me to make you happy. But right now I'm glad it didn't work out between us. I love what we have and I can't imagine anyone else could ever understand me the way you do."

I laughed. He was right, it never would have worked out between us for so many different reasons, but what we had now was beyond great. I couldn't put a real label on it. It was somewhere between best friend and brother it was as if he was my soul mate but in a non-romantic way. I needed him as much as I needed Dimitri, but it was more to balance myself out.

"Have you been dream walking with Vika?" I asked.

He smiled and I laughed and the wistful expression on his face. "Yes, they're starting their field experience next week and she's nervous. I can't wait until she graduates."

I sighed and for a brief moment was jealous at how easy their relationship was. Dimitri and I had never had that. We'd never been able to relax and just be together, we were always too busy fighting our attraction or hiding it to keep from getting in trouble.

We spent a few more minutes talking about the plans for the new offensive magic school he was working on with Tasha, Christian, and Lissa before he said goodbye and let me slip into a dreamless sleep.

I woke up at my normal 2 AM time. It was a habit that sometimes I wished I could break. The silence of the house was almost deafening and it sometimes made me feel lonely.

I slipped on my slippers and made my way downstairs. I could hear the sound of raindrops pelting the sliding glass doors that led to the patio and I sighed. I guess I would have to find another place to think. I made a quick stop in the kitchen for my nightly cup of hot chocolate before I made my way down to the basement.

The basement was set up as a home gym and was mostly only used by Dimitri as far as I could tell. My muscles craved the use of the equipment and I often found myself down here wishing that I could spar or even take a few whacks at the punching bag, but I never did. Mason was more important than a temporary need for some action. It wouldn't be long until I'd be back down here working myself into a frenzy.

I walked in to the far corner of the room where there was an old recliner that Yeva often used to watch Dimitri and Vika work out (while offering her suggestions on how to do it better). I sipped my hot chocolate and began to think of my conversation with Adrian.

Could I really let Dimitri back in? I gave a mental sigh. My heart was screaming at me and demanding that it should be with him. I felt empty without him seeing him if only for a few minutes a day made me slightly happier. And Adrian was right. He'd had many chances to give up on me in the past few weeks and he never had. He had learned when to give me space, but at the same time let me know he wasn't leaving. I guess the bigger question was, could I take that chance at happiness? It would be hard work, but was it worth it?

It was just as I was thinking this that I heard someone running down the stairs. I slid back in to the recliner trying to hide in the shadows of the room, but there was no need. Dimitri ran into the room without looking anywhere except at the punching bag. He started attacking it with a ferocity that I had only seen him use when fighting Strigoi and I could hear him mumbling words that were gradually getting louder.

"Stupid. Stupid. Stupid." He kept repeating and I was shocked to notice that there were tears falling down his face.

I watched him as he attacked the bag with his bare hands for a few more minutes, but I was afraid he was going to damage them beyond repair. I was trying to come up with a way to get him to stop when he let out a final punch and fell to his feet sobbing.

My breath caught as I watched him in obvious pain and I tried to imagine what had caused this, but it didn't take me long to figure it out since he shouted, "I'm so sorry, Roza. I'm so sorry."

I knew he didn't know I was in the room. He hadn't even glanced my direction once and his words went straight to my heart. I loved him so much that it hurt being away from him for so long. I felt Mason let out a rib cracking kick and I took that as a sign that he agreed with me. Seeing him in the same pain that I was in made me realize that while I was risking getting hurt again the pain would be nothing compared to the happiness I would get from being with him once more.

I stood up quietly and walked to where he was before sinking down in front of him.

_**Dimitri's POV**_

I sank into bed with a heavy heart. For the past few weeks Roza had managed to find every possible way to push me away. I knew what she was doing even if she wasn't completely aware of it. She was testing me and I was going to find a way to pass it if it was the last thing I did.

She had ignored me for two weeks, and then she had been downright rude to me for another week, before finally stooping to flirting with my friends to see how I would react. I managed to keep my guardian mask up while I was around her, but when I was alone at night it was impossible to act unaffected. My heart was breaking with every day she managed to keep from talking to me or touching me.

I needed her like I needed air and I was beginning to wonder what I would do if she was never mine again. I knew I deserved everything she was giving me and more, but I had been silently hoping that she would let down her walls and give me another chance to prove to her that I would never leave her again. That she could trust me to take care of her and Mason for the rest of our lives.

I cried myself to sleep and found myself dreaming of a little house with a white picket fence. There was a small boy playing with a puppy in the yard while Roza watched with a small smile on her face. The little boy tossed a ball to the puppy and laughed when he brought the ball back and dropped it at his feet before jumping up and licking his face.

Roza smiled and called to him that it was time to come inside for dinner. The boy complained and asked for five more minutes before a man walked out of the shadows and wrapped his arms around Roza's waist which I noticed for the first time was slightly rounded as if she was a few months pregnant. I tried to get a look at the man's face but all I could see was his blonde hair and I knew he wasn't me.

He turned her around and kissed her before dropping to his knees and kissing her stomach. I could hear him whispering to her that he loved her and their baby and that he was glad she had given him a chance to make her happy. He pulled out a box from his picket and opened it to reveal a large diamond ring and my heart broke all over again.

The dream faded and I shot up out of my bed wide awake. I could feel the tears falling down my face as I imagined another man holding my Roza and making a family with her. A family with my son. My heart was hammering in my chest and I had to let some of this pain out of my body.

I jumped out of the bed and practically ran to the basement before walking straight to the punching bag. I kept telling myself how stupid I was. This was my fault. I had pushed her out of my life and I may never get another chance. I kept hitting the bag until I remembered the other man in my dream proposing to her like I should have done when I was returned to my dhampir state. I let out one final punch imaging it was his head before sinking to my knees and sobbing.

I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces as I shouted, "I'm so sorry, Roza. I'm so sorry."

I'm not sure how long I sat there before I felt someone touch my face. I looked up shocked that someone had managed to get that close to me without me even noticing and met the beautiful brown eyes of my Roza.


	16. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

The moment my eyes locked with his I could see that Adrian had been right. His eyes were filled with the same haunted expression I had often seen in my own. I could almost feel the pain he was in as I stared into them and from that moment I somehow knew that everything would end up being okay. Maybe not right now and it would definitely take some work, but the love I saw behind the pain made my heart swell in a way it hadn't since our night in the cabin.

I felt silent tears falling down my face and I said the only thing I could think of at the moment, "I forgive you."

His eyes widened and he looked to be at a loss for words so I tugged his hand and forced him to stand up and follow me back to the kitchen. I made my way to the sink and turned on the faucet before sticking his bloody hands into the running water and gently washing away the blood. Once his hands were clean I grabbed the first aid box that Olena kept above the fridge and pulled his still silent body into the living room.

I pushed him gently onto the couch and started applying antiseptic to his cuts before applying band aids to the larger ones. His silence was starting to become unnerving so as I worked I finally said, "Say something."

He sucked in a breath before letting in out in a loud sigh, "I'm afraid if I say anything I will wake up and this will all be a dream."

"Do you feel the burn as I clean your cuts?" He nodded, "Then this is definitely not a dream."

He picked up the hand I was finished working on and pushed some of my hair behind my ear, "How can you just forgive me?"

I was silent for a minute as I thought over my words. "We both made mistakes. I should have realized it would be hard for you to be a dhampir after all you had seen and done. I shouldn't have pushed you to just return to normal. I was so stuck on the fairy tale ending that I thought I would get when I finally managed to save you that I didn't think about how everything affected you."

"That doesn't excuse what I did, Roza." He leaned his head back against the back of the sofa and closed his eyes. "The words I said to you were beyond hurtful. At the time I thought that I was protecting you from me because you deserve so much better than an ex-Strigoi lover. From the first moment I saw you in that window in Portland, you have been more important to me than my own life. It was stupid of me not to realize that it was the same for you."

I finished bandaging his hand and put up the supplies before leaning back into the couch beside him and taking his hand in my own. "Why do you think I left the academy to find you? Or why I broke Dashkov out of prison?"

He opened his eyes to look at me and for the first time since Lissa and I had managed to change him back, I saw awe in his face. "When I was first saved, I convinced myself that the only reason I wasn't Strigoi anymore was because of Lissa. It was irrational and I think even in the back of my mind I always knew it was you who truly saved me, but I had to push you away and I couldn't do that if I let myself believe that you were the only reason I was still alive."

I dropped my eyes from his and stared out our hands locked together. Being here with him even when they had issues to work out still felt amazing. It was as if after almost a year of being apart I was finally complete and where I was supposed to be. "When I left I'd convinced myself that there had to be something wrong with me that you had seen that made you not want me anymore. I thought Lissa must have seen it as well because I hadn't seen her in weeks and I was terrified that it would only be a matter of time before everyone noticed whatever it was that you two saw. Then I would be alone."

I almost cursed my need to be brutally honest with him when I heard him make a pained sound. It was silent for a second before he put his hand under my chin and pushed my face up to look him in the eyes. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, Roza. You are the most loyal, caring, and loving person I have ever met. You would put your life on the line for any of your friends and you would face the impossible just to save me. I love everything about you and I'm going to spend the rest of my life making sure you know it."

At that exact moment I felt Mason shift and kick my ribs. It made me smiled to think that Mason somehow knew we were stating to work things out and I moved Dimitri's hand to rest on the spot he had just kicked. Less than ten seconds later he kicked again and the most breathtaking smile filled Dimitri's face. It was the first time I had allowed him close enough to actually feel his son move and the thought made me feel guilty about keeping him from the miracle of our baby.

Dimitri knelt down beside the sofa and started whispering gentle words in Russian to our child. While I had begun to learn Russian I had yet to be able to pick up any real conversation, but from the few words I did understand I could tell he loved his son as much as I did and for the first time I actually began to believe that we would be a happy family one day.

I'm not sure how long I sat there while Dimitri talked to Mason, but eventually I felt the exhaustion overwhelm me and I let out a yawn.

Dimitri stopped talking and smiled at me before standing up and giving me his hand to help me get off of the sofa. "Come on, Roza. We need to get you to bed."

I wasn't sure that I wanted this night to end, but I knew that he was right. I let him lead me up my bed room and I crawled into bed. He leaned down and kissed my forehead and said, "I love you, Roza. Sweet dreams."

I watched him walk to the door, but I couldn't stand the sight of him leaving me again so instead I called out to him. "Sleep with me, Comrade?"

He turned back and smiled that same breathtaking smile I'd seen when Mason had kicked his hand and then he removed his pants and crawled into bed behind me before wrapping his arms around me. I sighed happily and just as I was falling asleep I whispered, "I love you, too."

The fog of Adrian's dream surrounded me almost immediately. This time we were at St. Vladimir's in one of the small pews at the small church. I smiled as I remembered the day I'd cleaned up in here with Dimitri and the time I had come to find him when I believed I might be going insane.

"Why did you pick this place?" I asked as I noticed Adrian standing a few pews behind me.

Adrian frowned slightly, "I didn't. I thought I'd let you pick, you must have been dreaming or remembering something about this place when I pulled you into the dream."

I smiled. It was entirely possible; although I was pretty sure I hadn't been asleep long enough to dream anything. "Twice in one night?"

"I had a proposition for you and its daytime here so it's not like I'm the one sleeping." He got sidetracked for a second and began to stare at the space around me. I was used to this treatment because he was always trying to be sure there wasn't too much darkness in my aura. "Did something happen between our last conversation and now? You're aura is practically glowing."

I felt the smile grow bigger on my face, "I talked to Dimitri."

He laughed, "From the look of you I can only imagine that it was a good conversation."

"I think it's all going to work out. I mean obviously we have to work on the trust issue, but you were right. We're miserable without each other and no matter what I said I wasn't over him."

"We all knew that, little dhampir. You were the only one trying to convince yourself that you were." He walked over and took a seat on the pew next to me. "This makes my proposition even better!"

I laughed, "What is your proposition?"

"I just got out of a meeting with by beloved aunt and she has informed me that with my new position working with the Moroi on offensive magic and training spirit users that I now can no longer keep from having a guardian. She's concerned that with my recent trips as well as the fact that I'm going to have to go between St. Vladamir's and court for teaching that it is important I get my own full time guardian."

"Well, that makes sense. I'm surprised you didn't have one already."

"When I was going to school I did, but when I moved back to court he requested a transfer to an old friend and it was approved. Since I was living a court I never saw a reason to get a replacement, but now that I'm starting to move around more I think it's a good idea." He paused, "I want you to be my guardian."

I looked up at him shocked, "But I can't right now, I'm as big as a house and about to pop out a baby."

He laughed, "I know that, Rose. I was talking to my aunt about it and she agreed that she thought you were a good option. I can get a temporary guardian while you finish off your maternity leave and then you can take your position a couple of months after Mason is born. The greatest part is that Lissa and I are teamed together to teach these classes so we will be traveling together most of the time. This way you and Dimitri will be able to stay together since he's Lissa's guardian."

He was right, it was a great idea and I knew that neither he nor Lissa would have a problem with us traveling with Mason. Both of them already loved our baby even if he hadn't been born yet. It also solved the dilemma of what I wanted to do with my life. I had already known that I wasn't going back to be Lissa's guardian simply because Dimitri and I couldn't guard together and while I did have the bond with Lissa, I no longer had the complete trust in her that I once had. Adrian and I had grown so close that the idea of guarding him was an easy decision.

"I can't believe that your aunt agreed that I was a good decision, but I'd love to be your guardian." I said.

He laughed, "I think once she realized that you and I weren't going to work out that she allowed herself to see what a great guardian you had become. Plus, I think she knows that we have our own special kind of relationship and she figures that there's no one better to guard me than someone who wants to keep me alive because they love me."

I began to laugh with him, "You haven't told her about your relationship with Vika have you?"

He blushed a little causing me to laugh some more, "I don't want to jinx it or give her a chance to threaten her off. I'm hoping to convince her to move to court when she graduates in a few months."

I knew that at one point in time Viktoria had never considered actually becoming a guardian after she graduated, but the recent events with Dimitri had caused her to change her mind. I think that almost losing her brother made her want to be more like him and she had decided to take up a guardian position for at least a few years.

Apparently I'd zoned off because a second later Adrian was shaking my shoulder, "Sorry, what?"

"So that's a yes right? I have to tell my aunt in a few minutes so that she can find me another suitable guardian if you decided to decline."

I smiled, "Yes, that's a yes."

He kissed my cheek and smiled, "Good, then I'll see you soon. I can't wait to tell Lissa that you agreed to come back."

Slowly the dream faded and drifted into a dreamless sleep.


End file.
